It was a Monday morning in February at Jim Junior. The students were gathered in the auditorium for a special meeting.
The chairs were all filled up. All together, there were about 300 kids in the school.
"I wonder why we've been called here?" asked Tommy.
"I hope the principal doesn't give another boring speech" said Chuckie.
"I fell asleep at the last one" said Kimi. "I ended up getting detention."
Rob Barker, the assistant principal came up to the podium at the front and began to speak into the microphone.
"Could I please have everyone's attention? I have an important announcement to make."
Everyone was quiet.
"As you may not know, Jim Skinner, our principal won't be here at school for the rest of the school year, due to an extended stay at the hospital after crashing his car into a street light. So for the next few months until summer, you'll have a new principal. We were told that this new principal is one of the best in the state, and we felt that we made the right choice. And here he is!"
He walked off the stage as another man came onto the stage.
Everyone was quiet.
The man appeared to be in his late fifties, he was dressed in a black italian suit with a blue shirt underneath, and a purple tie. His hair was grey with a grey goatee on his chin. He walked with a cane.
He walked up to the podium and spoke into the microphone.
"Good morning kids" he said. "My name is William Walker. I'll be your principal for the next few months. With me as your principal, the future is now."
"If the future is now" Kimi said to her friends, "we'd be outside at recess!"
Everyone laughed.
"Very funny young lady" said Walker. "I'll tolerate that for now, but in the future, things will change."
Kimi gulped.
"Though the policies set forth by Jim Skinner will remain the same, there are some new regulations that you must also follow" said Walker.
He took out some papers.
"I have hired some of the country's finest men to act as hall monitors" said Walker. "Also, you may have noticed that the bell didn't ring. That's because I had it removed. There will be no bell."
"I don't understand" Chuckie whispered to Tommy. "Why remove the bell?"
"But most of all, you'll be spending your free time doing your studies. That's why I mean by the future is now."
At lunch time, the kids sat around a table eat their lunch. They were also discussing the new principal.
"He's kind of weird" said Phil. "We haven't gotten any recess yet. Instead, we just spend all that time inside doing our homework."
"Look on the bright side" said Lil, "we won't have any take home work."
"That's good" said Angelica. "Dad says if I bring home anymore homework, he's going to start helping me."
"What's so bad about that?" asked Chuckie.
"Lots of lecturing and nagging" said Angelica.
After lunch, the kids were getting their books out of their locker. As usual, they didn't hear the bell. Several uniformed men were patrolling the halls.
"This is going to be a long last semester" said Tommy. "Imagine, doing more work than usual."
"And what's worse" said Chuckie, "if we don't get all our homework done, we have to stay until its done. And we'll miss the bus."
"Then how will we get home?" asked Lil.
"We'll have to use the payphones to call our parents" said Phil.
"Except I'm out of quarters" said Angelica.
Just then, Walker came walking down the hall.
"Everything's so nice and quiet" he said. "Just the way I like it. Nobody's getting involved in any fights. And you know how I hate violence."
Kimi closed her locker and turned to walk to the classroom, only to bump into Walker, knocking them both off balance.
"Oops" she said. "Sorry Mr. Walker."
Walker dusted off his suit and continued on his way.
Kimi's friends helped her up.
"Nice suit he has" Chuckie said.
"Either it's black, or he's terrible with his laundry." Kimi whispered to her friends.
Unfortunately for Kimi, Walker heard her. He quickly turned to face the tweenagers.
"That's clever young lady!" he said, "but not too smart!"
"Sorry Mr. Walker" said Kimi, "can't you take a joke?"
Kimi's friends started giggling, but they were silenced by Walker's stern look. He then focused on Kimi.
"Ahhh, I remember you from the auditorium. You kids got alot of nerve to mess with me. Got a name joker girl?"
"Kimi Finster" said Kimi.
"And I'm her brother Chuckie" said Chuckie.
"Well you kids had better learn some respect for your elders" said Walker with a sharp voice, "or you'll get extra homework and detention!"
"Well what's with all the extra work?" asked Phil.
"To secure your future" said Walker. "I'll have you know that I used to be state Secretary of Education, until the governor fired me for trying to get rid of recess, which I already did here."
"Say what?" asked Kimi.
"You can't be serious!" said Lil.
"Why should students have free time when they could use that time to be in the classroom?! And with more extra work, test scores will rise and I will become popular and be elected governor. And if I'm elected governor, I can abolish Summer vacation. And why stop there? How about school on Saturday? Yeah, that's the ticket. But why wait? If this abolition of recess works, I can start Saturday school in a few weeks, and maybe think more about offing the summer. And if my plan works out, maybe, just maybe, I'll have school on Sunday evenings too -- football and 'The Simpsons' are both so overrated these days. Now behave yourselves or you'll miss your Saturday morning cartoons, if you know what I mean!"
"Geez, when did they let you out of the asylum?" demanded Angelica.
"They didn't" said Walker with a chuckle, "I escaped. Soon, I will show the world, that I was right and everyone else was wrong!"
"I don't understand" said Chuckie.
"So behave yourselves!" said Walker as he turned. "That goes for you joker girl!"
Kimi gulped.
Walker continued on his way. "One more slip up while I'm here, and I'll call your parents!"
He disappeared down the hall into his office.
"I wish Principal Skinner was back" said Tommy.
"Me too" said Kimi. "I don't like this crazy principal we have."
"I'm not even looking forward to school tomorrow" said Phil.
"Me neither" said Chuckie. "We all have someone to fear."
"Maybe if we tell our parents about him, they'll let us skip school?" suggested Lil.
The rugrats were weary and bored to death from endless back-breaking homework.
"And so in order to calculate the square route of blah, blah-blah, blah-blah..."
droned Mrs. Bora, the rugrats' math teacher.
Her name, Bore-a, fit her perfectly, for she had been officially voted the most boring teacher in school, and that was before Principal Walker showed up. In fact, several students had drifted into a deep sleep from the sheer boredom of math. The rest of the class used all of their remaining strength to fight off the overpowering luxury for just a few more vital minutes. One by one... they dozed off.
Just then Principal Walker marched importantly into the classroom for his afternoon
inspection.
"A week of detention for all of the sleepers!" he ordered.
Phil and Lil awoke suddenly, both thinking the same awful thought: Five unbearable
days of two hours extra work! Kimi was desparately glad she'd held back sleep
for a little longer, as were her friends (except Phil and Lil who had fallen
asleep two minutes into class and now had a week of detention to look forward
to).
"Mrs. Bora, what kind of a class do you think you are running here?!"
Principal Walker demanded accusingly.
But even Mrs. Bora had been caught in an inviting cage of slumber.
"Hmm..." said Principal Walker, his eyes scanning the classroom for
his next victim. But he saw nothing else wrong with the class. He left the room,
muttering under his breath.
Later, when the rugrats were switching classes, they each issued their own personal
opinion and complaints about the new principal.
"He gave us detention because he took away our recess!" Lil complained.
Her twin brother nodded his head in agreement.
"I can't believe this man wasn't banished from the face of the earth!"
Kimi cried, "What kind of a crazy idea is that anyways, trying to get rid
of recess? I mean, it's like, 'Hi, I'm Mr. Stupid, and I'm gonna stop recess,
'cause I don't have a brain in my big head!' I wish Principal Skinner was back!"
Just then Kimi felt someone tapping on her shoulder.
"What?!" As she turned around, her face turned pale. It was Principal
Walker.
"Now listen young lady, um..."
"Kimi," Kimi told him coldly.
She locked eyes with Principal Walker, fixing an ice cold stare on him. Walker
shuddered and took a step back. Then shaking his head, he said,
"What kind of a name is that, 'Kimi'? At my school, children will use their
proper names. Yours must be Kimberly. Well, Kimberly, that little remark just
won you a ticket to a two week detention. And to really prove my point, your
two weeks detention will include Saturdays during normal school hours, and Sundays
from 1PM to 9PM."
With that he departed.
"He's starting to sound like my grandparents on my Dad's side," Kimi
whispered to Tommy.
"He sounds more like a monkey to me," said Tommy, stifling a laugh.
Walker whirled around.
"Make that three weeks!" he snapped angrily, "And you, young
man! (he pointed an accusing finger at Tommy).
"Who, me?" asked Tommy innocently. Kimi worked hard to hide a smile.
Tommy's puppy-face was so unconvincing!
"Yes, you!", Walker growled, "What is your name?"
"Tommy," said Tommy.
"No," said Walker impatiently, "It is Thomas. You just earned
yourself a week of detention, too, Mr. Thomas, uh..."
"Pickles," Tommy told him.
"Stop being smart, young man, or you will find yourself in another week
of detention!" Walker stormed.
"No, that's my last name," Tommy insisted.
"Well, I don't care. 'Pickles' is a funny name, and I don't like funny names. As long as you're in my school, you are not Pickles -- you are Pickman. And so, Mr. Thomas Pickman, you and your friend Kimberly will be in after school detention for quite a while," Walker said. He continued, "Listen to me, and listen good -- if you derogatate me in any way, or if you, your friends or your parents use your nick names in any fashion, even at home, even ten thousand miles away from home -- I'll double your punishment. And if you persist in any way, you'll be expelled from this school and barred from all public and private educational institutions in this state -- FOR LIFE! You want to live a life of stupidity, then keep it up. And -- if you think I can't catch you at home, at the mall, or on vacation -- just watch me!"
Principal Walker then handed notes to Kimi & Tommy.
Walker said, "Give these notes to your parents; they will explain why
you are in detention. They will also remind parents to call you only by your
legal names from now on. And in your case, Thomas, it reminds your parents to
start using serious last names. That is all."
Walker marched importantly away, a gleam of pride and pleasure in his evil eyes.
As soon as he was out of ear range, Tommy whispered,
"Now he's starting to act like Angelica!"
"He's so good at it," said Chuckie.
"I wonder if he takes lessons," Phil laughed. The five friends giggled
uncontrollably.
Kimi, Tommy, Phil and Lil all had after school detention. So, they missed the
bus and had to walk home. As they trekked down the sidewalk, they faced their
first problem: They didn't know how to get home!
"What were we going to do if we got stuck in detention again?" Kimi
asked, straining to remember.
"We were going to call our parents on the payphones," Lil reminded
her.
"There are two problems," Tommy told them, "One, we don't have
enough money..."
"I have a five," Phil interrupted.
"The phone only takes coins, Phillip!" Lil informed her twin sibling."
"Sorry!" Phil snapped.
"Guys!" said Tommy, "That's not the only thing!"
"What's the other thing?" Kimi asked.
"I-I don't want my parents to know I have detention," Tommy confessed,
"They'd be so disappointed!"
"Yeah," Kimi agreed, "I'd probably be grounded the exact week
the detention ended."
"I hadn't thought of that," Phil said.
"Well," said Lil, "At least it can't get..."
"Don't say it!" her friends interrupted. But was too late. Rain began
pouring down on the four friends.
"Just great!" said Kimi.
"You had to say it, didn't you?" Phil complained. So the rugrats began
walking in the direction they thought their houses were.
About a block from where they started, Lil provided them with information that
they did not want to hear.
"Is it just me, or is that car following us?" she asked.
The others looked around, and their hearts began to race. Sure enough, there
was a big red jeep was following them. Then something happened that made their
blood turn to ice. The car stopped on the street next to them and a head poked
out.
"Tommy, Kimi, Phil, Lil," said the person driving the jeep, "What
are you doing out this late? Do you want a ride home?" As the others turned
to run, Tommy stopped them.
"Guys, it's ok," he said, "It's Alisa!" Alisa was Susie
Carmichael's twenty-six year old sister. The friends breathed a sigh of relief
and gratefully accepted the offer. Alisa drove them to their houses without
questioning them.
"Where have you been?" asked Didi as Tommy entered the house, soaking
wet, "We've been worried sick!"
Tommy gulped. He would have to tell his parents. He would have to tell them everything. Starting with Principal Poopface (this had become a common nickname for Walker)! Tommy gulped again and told his mom about the detention.
"Detention? Tommy, how could you?" Didi sobbed.
"Your mother is right," said Stu, who had been listening from the
kitchen, "Now how in the world did you get detention?"
With a long sigh and a deep breath, Tommy gave his note to his parents and began
relating the day's events, starting with assembly, and ending with Alisa picking
them up on their way home.
"Tommy, is this true?" Didi asked, still sobbing.
"Yes it is," said Tommy. "Principal Walker is the education
system's equivalent of Hitler."
Stu said, "I'll call Principal Walker in the morning and give him a piece
of my mind! He can't take away recess! He can't take away freedom of speech!
And he certainly can't take away our names!"
Didi, now a little more relieved, said, "I've saved you some dinner. Wanna eat?"
"No thanks. I'm just gonna go straight to bed," said Tommy.
Slowly, Tommy ascended the steps. Once in his room Tommy changed into his pj's,
finished up a bag of chips he found under his bed (since he hadn't had supper),
and brushed his teeth. He was about to climb in bed when an idea crossed his
mind. He reached under his pillow and pulled out the cell phone Grandpa Lou
had given him (that Stu and Didi didn't know about). Then he punched in the
code for three-way calls and dialed the Finster's and the Deville's. He held
his breath as the phone rang for the Deville's. Fortunately, Lil answered the
phone.
"Hello?" she said gloomily. But she brightened when she heard Tommy's
voice on the other end.
"Go somewhere where you can talk privately. Grab paper and pencil. Top secret and very important!" Tommy ordered.
Motioning for Phil to follow, Lil grabbed the portable phone and raced up to
the room that she and Phil shared. Chuckie answered the phone for the Finster's,
and Tommy gave him the same instructions he gave Phil and Lil.
"So what's the big important deal?" Kimi asked.
Tommy said, "I told my parents what happened. They will be calling Poopface
in the morning to complain about what he did. But I was thinking -- I've decided
I want to take action and try to get rid of Poopface ourselves, just to show
that we students personally deserve respect! Who's with me?" Everyone was.
"Good!" said Tommy, "Now to make it simple, let's just call it
Project Poopface. So put that at the top of the paper. Now, here's some ideas..."
The next morning, Walker marched importantly through the school to his office.
The professional, uniformed Hall Monitors stood in attention and perfect formation
on either side of the hall. The students were ordered to do the same, but they
did so in a messy, crowded manner.
Standing in the front of the crowd, Tommy saw Walker about to step on a red blotch of dried paint that had been on the floor for three years. He gave a thumbs up to Kimi and a girl named Carol Hawk. This was the signal to squeeze into Carol's locker, which was right next to Walkers office, as part of the plan.
A group of students participating in the Poopface Project formed a thick crowd
around the locker so none of the Hall Monitors would see Kimi or Carol. Walker
stopped in front of the door to the office.
He turned around, and, with the flick of his wrist, he waved the mob of students
and Hall Monitors away. He opened the door and stepped inside. The secretary
wasn't there yet.
"Stupid faculty!" he muttered. He opened the door to his own private
office, only to get splattered with a bucket of buttermilk! The door had been
rigged by the Double P Org. (Poopface Project Organization)!
But Walker didn't know who'd done it. He screamed, startled, when the buttermilk hit him. He then vowed to expel whoever was responsible for this. Hearing the scream, Carol and Kimi exited the locker and peeked in. Kimi put her ear to the door. She could hear Walker say, "Now I have to take a shower!"
Then she heard the bathroom door close. She grabbed Carol and pulled her inside. She tapped quietly on the window overlooking the playground. At her signal, Chuckie and his genius friend, Kevin Helms squeezed in through the window. Kevin took a tape recorder and set it on Walker's desk. Then took a short cord from the recorder and plugged it into a slot in the intercom. Then he pressed 'play'. He and Chuckie exited the office. Carol and Kimi took the buttermilk stained suit and snuck outside. Then, they raised it up the flagpole that usually held a flag with Walker's face on it.
Walker was now in the shower. For some strange reason, the shower had suddenly
decided to run out of hot water. Walker groaned. Phil lowered Lil from a vent
in Walker's closet, where he kept all of his clean clothes. She grabbed them
all and replaced them with a tacky pair of boxer shorts. Phil pulled her back
up. They crawled through the vent until they came to a huge fan. They threw
the clothes into the fan which ripped them to shreds. Then they crawled to where
the vent came out. What happened next is very predictable.
The next day an emergency assembly was called. Walker knew someone, or some
group was trying to get rid of him, but he wasn't going to let them succeed.
He stood on stage and faced the students.
"Ahem!" said Walker, catching the students' attention, "Yesterday,
the day started when the parents of one of the students called me and chewed
me out, because I restrict freedom of speech and expression, and for my plans
on wiping out recess. I said to them that they don't know what they're talking
about, then hung up. Then later, some wise a-uh-acre showered me with buttermilk,
cut off the hot water supply, said some very rude things about me over the intercom,
stole many expensive outfits from me, and forced me to drive home for more clothes
in Barney boxer shorts! What this shows me is that your school needs my help,
and I am taking it upon myself to straighten all of you little brats up! It
is my duty, my obligation! And I am not going to fail in my duties!"
He went on to say, "Speaking of which, as of right now, the grading system will now be three-tiered -- anyone scoring 90 to 100 will get an A. Anyone scoring 60 to 89 will get -- an F!"
The student body gasped.
Kimi asked, "sir, what about those with a 59 or under?"
"That's the best part, Kimberly", he replied. "The unfortunate souls scoring a 59 or under in their tests will get -- a Super-F! Each Super-F will send you back one grade, which means some of you will be going back to pre-school by summertime!"
This had not gone the way Double P Org. had planned. That night, Kimi came
up with a wonderful idea! She phoned Tommy.
"Hello?" Tommy groaned as he picked up the phone.
"Tommy, this is Kimi!" Kimi exclaimed, "I just had the greatest
idea! Now what is the most important thing to Poopface?"
"Uh, putting kids in detention?" Tommy joked.
"No!" said Kimi, "Test scores!"
"I get it," said Tommy.
"We're going to get the whole school involved in this one!" Kimi said,
ending the conversation. The plan with to purposely do poorly on their tests.
Later that evening, at Tommy's house, Tommy said to Didi, "Mom, Principal Walker is oppressing us with his plans on improving test scores."
Didi said, "So? What's the big deal with that?"
"Look at the grading scale."
Didi looked at the paper that has a grading scale on it. She gasped.
"No! This is unfair!", exclaimed Didi. "I'm calling the principal!"
"I think Principal Walker has made up his mind on this one," said Tommy.
"No, not quote-unquote Principal Walker, but the real principal -- Principal Skinner!", said Didi.
Didi called Principal Skinner at home.
"Hello?" said Skinner.
Didi said, "Yes, this is Didi Pickles. How are you after the accident?"
"Accident?" said Skinner. "What accident?"
"The one involving the light pole?", said Didi.
Skinner said, "I wasn't in any accident! I'm only taking a couple of weeks off to spend vacation at home. Vice-Principal Barker should be in charge."
Didi said, "No he isn't. Barker had hired someone by the name of William Walker."
"Walker!" said Skinner. I'll be on my way!"
Several minutes later, Principal Skinner arrived at Tommy's house with school board superintendent Matt Chambers. They came in and had a seat.
Superintendent Chambers explained everything.
"You see," Chambers said, "William Walker was only a substitute teacher at Jim Jr. during the 1980s. The problem is, his standards were too high, while the teachers he was subbing for had far lower standards, which were, in fact, slightly higher than the state's standards. It makes those standards look like Florida's beaches, with his standards looking like Mt. Everest. One day, we fired Walker for having unrealistic standards -- that's when he started acting like a lunatic, going on with the troubles with the educational system, the stupidity of intellectuals, and so on. So we had him commited at a mental hospital, which he broke out of."
Tommy said, "We students have a plan -- purposely fail our tests, just to undermine Walker's plan."
Skinner said, "No, no, no -- you shouldn't do that. I have a better idea, which involves Didi."
"What would you like me to do?" asked Didi.
Skinner replied, "I want you to be a secretary for a day at Jim Jr. I'll give you a list in an envelope, which has fake failing scores on it. I'll have Vice-Principal Barker inform Walker that a new secretary is coming over with the test scores, and he'll also have Walker arrange an assembly of students in the auditorium. As the students file in, you, Didi, will come in with us. Chambers and I will be disguised as janitors. When the time comes, we'll expose his scam and have the men in white take him away."
"Sounds like a good plan", said Tommy.
"Agreed," said Didi.
"Let's do it!", said Chambers.
The next day, shortly before everyone was supposed to go home for the day, the kids went into the gymnasium for a meeting. Today, they would be putting their plan into action.
Didi, in the office, dressed as the secretary had an envelope of failing test scores. Rob Barker informed Walker of the new secretary. Chambers and Skinner disguised themselves as Janitors. She filed into the auditorium with the kids for the meeting that had been assembled by Walker. Chambers and Skinner also filed into the auditorium and sneaked backstage after performing their cleaning duties. They snuck backstage and removed their janitor uniforms, changing back into their other clothes. Skinner then called the asylum.
William Walker stood at the pedestal with the microphone. He was holding the envelope with the test scores.
"It has come to my attention that you've all done poorly on your test scores. I have done my best, but you all still manage to do your worst. So as of now, you're all going down a grade! Also, not only have I abolished recess permanently, I've also established school for Saturday and Sunday. Finally, as of now, you all have no summer or winter vacation! And if you still fail to improve your scores -- goodbye Christmas, Chanukah and Easter!"
Everyone gasped.
"You fiend!" cried Kimi as she stood, pointing her finger at Walker.
"Fiend eh?" said Walker, "you try to help people and that's the thanks you get?"
"It'll never work Walker!" said Kimi. "Although those pranks on you were terrific!"
Everyone laughed, but they were quickly silenced by Walker's stern look.
"Playing pranks on your principal" he said. "Why do you children do this to me? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you hate me?"
"We don't hate you Mr. Walker" said Kimi.
The kids turned their heads to Kimi with looks of shock.
"We just think you're insane!" said Kimi with a frown.
Walker chuckled. "Insane. There you go again Kimberly, just like that other remark you made."
He help up a tape recorder and rewound the tape inside before he pushed "play".
Everyone heard Kimi's voice on the recorder.
"Hi, I'm Mr. Stupid, and I'm gonna stop recess, cause I don't have a brain in my big head!"
Everyone giggled.
"Pleasure to meet you Mr. Stupid!" said Angelica.
Everyone burst into uncontrolable laughter.
Walker smashed his cane against the podium. Everyone was silenced.
"You think that's funny don't you?!" he said.
He calmed down. "I also have another announcement to make" he said. "Would Kimberly Finster come up here?"
Kimi walked down the aisle of chairs to the stage.
"Kimi! Kimi!" chanted everyone.
Kimi walked onto the stage and stood before Walker.
"You're probably wondering why I called you up here Kimberly" said Walker.
"Because you can't play charades with one person?" asked Kimi.
Everyone laughed.
"And I'll have you know that my name is Kimi! Not Kimberly! Just like I told you before!"
Walker chuckled. Then he frowned.
"Do you think I care what I was told before?!" he said.
"Mr. Walker, I just want to say that your grade system is too harsh!"
Walker sighed. "You just don't get it do you Kimberly."
"Kimi!" exclaimed Kimi.
"Well let me explain it in a way your uneducated mind will understand. The people of California think test scores are too low. But if I can increase them, people will feel better and elect me governor of California."
"Don't count on my vote!" said Kimi.
"Don't count on any of our votes!" said Chuckie.
"That's why, as of now, there will be no more recess or vacations! Kids shouldn't spend their free time doing as they please! They should be inside studying!"
"Hey Walker" said Kimi, "where's your buttermilk suit?"
Everyone laughed again.
"I wouldn't be so cheerful Kimberly" said Walker. "I'm about to throw the book at you now!"
Everyone gulped.
"Well then, make it a small childrens novel" said Kimi.
Everyone laughed.
"The way I see it Kimberly, I'm certain it was you who put the buttermilk over my door!"
"So?" asked Kimi.
"Did you act alone?! Or did you have an accomplices?!"
Kimi did not glance at Carol.
"Yes!" she said. "I acted alone!"
"You tell him Kimi!" cheered Tommy.
"I also hung it over the flagpost!" said Kimi. "Now it's gone with the wind!"
Everyone laughed.
"Ahhh, so you admit it" said Walker. "I knew you had a reputation for being a joker girl. Of all the children I've ever dealt with, you are probably the worst troublemaker of them all! As of now Kimberly, you're permanently expelled from all educational facilities statewide! This includes all public & private schools, libraries, bookstores, magazine racks at convenience stores, comic book shops, newspaper honor boxes, and even TVs tuned to CNN, PBS and The Discovery Channel! And if you as so much as get within 1000 feet of any of these, I'll see to it that you're thrown into prison! Not juvenile hall! Not jail! But the Big House!"
Everyone gasped.
Chuckie suddenly stood.
"If you're going to expel my sister, you might as well expel me! I'm the one who put that tape recorder near your microphone!"
"Well then, you're also expelled!" said Walker.
"Don't forget us" said Phil as he and Lil stood.
"The fan sure liked the taste of your clothes!" said Lil.
Everyone laughed.
"You two are also expelled!" said Walker.
"Then you'll have to expel me too!" said Tommy. "It was my dad who called you the other day! And our family still call ourselves 'Pickles', whether you like it or not!"
"You're expelled too Thomas! And I'll see to it that your parents get fired from their jobs, and banned from all except the most menial, minimum-wage jobs. Now, who are they, and what do they do?"
"None of your business! Leave my parents out of this!", said Tommy.
"Well, I'll find them; you can count on that! It is my business, as it's their fault for putting bad ideas into your head!", said Walker.
He turned to Kimi. "And as for you Kimberly, I'll be sending your friends to separate schools all over the state! I don't care if their parents will have to find new jobs at at new place, of if they'll be making long commutes -- I can do anything I want! And you'll still be having your detention from this school! Anyone else who objects will also be expelled!"
Suddenly, Chambers walked onto the stage.
"You're not expelling anyone Walker!" he said. "As long as I'm superintendant, this crazy plot will never be carried out in this district!"
Everyone cheered.
"You just don't get it!" said Walker. "This girl and her friends are a bunch of troublemakers!"
"Oh no they're not!" said Skinner as he walked onto the stage.
Everyone was shocked, including Walker.
"Principal Skinner?" asked a boy. "But we thought you were in the hospital!"
"Nonsense, I was on vacation" said Skinner.
Everyone gasped.
"I'm the real principal" said Skinner. "Walker here is not only a former substitute teacher, he's also a lunatic who escaped from an asylum!"
"He certainly is" said Kimi. "Look at all the strict regulations he put up!"
"Well I'm in charge again now!" said Skinner, "and as for you Walker, the semester is over for you!"
"Nice try" said Walker. "If you want my title, you'll have to take it!"
"Principal Skinner, can I say something?" asked Kimi.
"Certainly Kimi" said Skinner.
"All this time since `Poopface' here came, we've had no recess, extra work, and tons of detention. And now he's established a new grading system with only A's, F's, and Super F's which will send someone back a grade! And on top of that, he's making some of us use our formal names instead of our real names!"
"No freedom of speech allowed!" said Walker. "And don't call me `Poopface' you rude little girl!"
Kimi said, "This is the US! I can say what I want!"
Walker retorted, "Well I have news for you -- as of right now, Jim Jr. is seceding from the union. For now on, Jim Jr. Jr. High School will be called the Republic of Walkonia, and you will address me as King William the First!"
"Well, you royal pain in the hiney, you always cared more about appearances than people!" said Skinner.
"I'd also like to say something else" said Kimi.
"Yes?" said Skinner.
"When freedom of speech fails, I always do this" said Kimi.
Before Walker could react, Kimi whirled around and kicked him in the shins. Groaning, he collapsed forth.
"Did I mention that I study martial arts?" she said.
"Nice going Kimi" said Skinner. "And as for you Walker, you're fired!"
Two men in white uniforms came onto the stage. They grabbed Walker and took him away.
Outside, everyone cheered as he was forced into the van and driven away back to the asylum.
"You kids did great!" said Skinner. "Thanks to you, I now have my job back and that lunatic is back in the asylum."
As the school bus arrived to take the kids home, Skinner said to them, "I'll be the new principal tomorrow again. And I'll think twice before taking a vacation --at least, until I talk to Chambers first. To celebrate, big party tonight at the school auditorium!"
"These last few days have been a nightmare" said Dil.
"But I'm just glad everything is back to normal" said Kimi.
They all boarded the bus and went home.
The End
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