The Tweenage Rugrats In: "How To Be A Princess"

By Birch Griesse

Beep! Beep! Beep! Went Angelica's clock-radio. It was 7:00am and time for Angelica to start another average, boring Monday. She yawned sleepily and hit the snooze button on her alarm.

Five minutes later, the beeping of her annoying alarm clock filled the room again. Angelica turned her alarm completely off put her head back down on her pillow. After a bit Charlotte entered the room saying,

"Wake up, Angelica! You are going to miss the bus be late for school---again!"

"So what?" Angelica grumbled.

"Get up right now or no television for a whole week, young lady!" Charlotte threatened impatiently.

"Fine, fine, fine," Angelica groaned, "I'm up, I'm up."

Angelica proceeded to dress and walk glumly and slowly down the stairs for breakfast. The rest of the day continued to pass like every other boring day, and after school we find Angelica watching Teen Rage.

Briiiiiiiiiing! Briiiiiiiiiiiiiing! Suddenly the phone rang and Charlotte rushed to the phone lifted the receiver of the handset and to her ear.

"Hello? Mom? Oh, um, why...yes. Goodbye," Charlotte said, then hung up, "Angelica!" There was no answer.


"What?" Angelica asked impatiently.

"That was grandma! She wants you to go and visit her!" Charlotte called.

"You cannot make me!" Angelica screeched, "It's entirely unconstitutional! Grandma T. is a psycho child abuser!"

"No not Grandma T., my mother," Charlotte explained.

"Oh," said Angelica, "Fine. Where does she live?"

"8888 Pecan Peak Way in a big red mansion with a golden colored roof," Charlotte answered.

"Pecan Peak Way! Gold mansion" Angelica exclaimed, "She must be, like, totally rich or something!"

"Yes," said Charlotte, "You can call her Madam Richford,"

"Richford?"Angelica asked, "Weird name.Will you take me to her house?"

"You can walk," Charlotte replied.

"Fine," Angelica sighed.

She walked out the door and down the street to Pecan Peak Way. She finally reached a huge red mansion with a golden colored roof. 8888 was nailed in golden numbers on the fancy mailbox. In golden letters on the silver double doors was 'Richford Manor'. Angelica pounded one of the heavy platinum knockers. It was shaped like the face of a strange beast. The diamond doorknob twisted and one of the doors opened. A butler in a black suit with shiny black hair stood to the side of the doorway.

"What business haveth you here with Mistress Edna Richford, dearest child?" he asked with a trace of an English accent in his voice.

"Uh, I'm her granddaughter, Angelica, and, uh, she asked me to come visit her," Angelica told him.

"Awww, Mistress Angelica C. Pickles!" the butler cried, "I have long been awaiting your arrival! Please come right this way, Mistress Angelica."

He led Angelica through a large, brilliantly decorated and brightly lit hallway to a marble door. The butler opened the door and held it open as Angelica stepped out into a beautiful garden. There were roses, blooming apple trees and neatly trimmed bushes. The butler led her down a stone path that led through a maze of bushes to a picnic table. Sitting at the table, which was carved from marble and intricately decorated, was an elderly woman in a blue dress.

"Mistress Richford, this is your granddaughter, Mistress Pickles," the butler said. Then he re-entered the mansion.

"Why, hello, Angelica C. Pickles," said Mrs. Richford, "You are just the person I was hoping to talk with. Please sit down."

"Uh, hi Madam Richford," Angelica said, remembering what Charlotte had told her.

"Please, call me grandmother," said Mrs. Richford, chuckling, "After all, that's what I am."

"Sure thing, grandma," Angelica said, sitting down at the table. Then she and Mrs. Richford began to talk. They shared stories and secrets and those kinds of things.

"...So then I my great-grandmother became the queen of Genovia. Then my grandmother. Then my mother. She lived to be quite old.

My older sister, Wilhelmina, or Willie, became queen after her. But my sister now must give away her position as queen. She has no children. I am to old to take her place. Your mother does not wish for such responsibilities. That leaves one option..." Mrs. Richford hinted.

"Emica?" Angelica guessed.

"No, you, silly child," said Mrs. Richford.

"You've got to be joking!" Angelica sputtered, "Me a princess! A queen! I cannot believe it is finally happening! Did I hear you right?"

"So, will you consider?" Mrs. Richford asked hopefully.

"Absolutely!" Angelica exclaimed, "I've always wanted to be a princess or a queen! I've been waiting for this to happen my whole entire life! Nothing but watching TV, eating junk food, playing Nintendo, and much more all day long! I'll be rich! I'll be famous! All of the boys will argue over me and all of the girls will want to be my friend! I will be the most popular girl in school! Take that Hanna! Have I got a surprise for you!"

"I'm afraid it's not all glamorous and fun," said Mrs. Richford, "I'm very surprised you feel that strongly about it."

"Well, so I got a little carried away, so what," said Angelica, blushing, "Anyway, where's your palace and stuff?"

"We cannot go there yet," Mrs. Richford told Angelica, "First you must learn dancing and etiquette and those sorts of things."

"No problem," said Angelica, "When you gonna start teaching me?"

"Don't you mean to say 'when are you going to begin teaching me'?" asked Mrs. Richford.

"Whatever," Angelica said.

"Come to my house after your schooling tomorrow," Mrs. Richford sighed.

"I'll be here!" Angelica promised. Then she ran off through the garden. Then, realizing she didn't know where she was going, she stopped and turned around.

"The door is that way," said Mrs. Richford, pointing.

Angelica's cheeks turned pink with embarrassment as she began following a stone path that headed in the opposite direction of the one she'd been taking. Soon she came to the marble door and the butler opened it for her. She walked back through the hall, out the silver doors, and to her house again.

"This is going to take some getting used to," she thought.

The next day after school, Angelica headed straight to Mrs. Richford's mansion. The butler let her in and this time, instead of the garden, she was led to a huge ballroom. There she found her grandmother waiting for her.

"Alright," said Mrs. Richford, "First you must look like a queen." She then ordered for the 'Dresser' to be brought to the ballroom.

She soon arrived, with several helpers.

"You give me this and tell me to turn it into a queen, ye do," she said to Mrs. Richford in a sing-song Irish accent, "Well, I've seen worse."

Then to Angelica, "Do be acomin' with me deary. I'll be afixin' you right up."

She led Angelica into a bathroom about twice the size of her own room. Angelica looked around in awe, marveling at the size of the room.

"Ye be a-actin' like ye never be seein' a bathroom before," said the Dresser, "Ye have been aseein' a bathroom before, haven't ye?"

"Duh," Angelica said rudely.

"Well, me name be Della, and I be makin' ye nice and pretty like a real queen be," Della said.

"I am a real queen!" Angelica snapped.

"Not yet, you don't be," Della said, "Now let me be afancyin' ye all up nice and pretty." Della combed Angelica's hair then she curled it and put it in a tight bun. Then she put Angelica in a glittering, shiny pink ball dress. Finally she applied fresh make-up, and placed a sparkling golden crown, imbedded with rubies and emeralds carefully upon her head.

"There," said Della when she and her assistants had completed their work, "Don't ye be alookin' just lovely, me darling?"

"I look beautiful!" Angelica exclaimed.

"Now follow me on out so you can be alearnin' all the things queens ought to be aknowin', ye do," Della said, opening the door that led back out to the ballroom.

"She looks wonderful, thank you, Della," said Mrs. Richford.

"You be quite awelcomed, Mistress Richford, I be glad to be ahelpin'," Della said. Then she and her assistants left the ballroom.

"Now," said Mrs. Richford, "We will start with the basics. First how to sit right. Watch..."

Angelica and Mrs. Richford worked on sitting properly, walking properly, and talking properly. Then, when they had completed these three lessons, Mrs. Richford arranged a tea party, as a test for Angelica to practice what she had learned.

"Alright," said Mrs. Richford, you will enter the front door. Be sure to knock first. Then, it will be up to you to correctly use the knowledge you have gained from our lesson."

"Ok," said Angelica. She walked out the front door. She waited a while, then banged one of the heavy knockers on the door. The butler opened the door. Angelica walked in.

"Welcome, Madam Angelica, please, do sit down," Mrs. Richford said politely.

"Ok! Er, I mean, Why, thanks Madam Richford, your, uh, very nice!" Angelica said, trying to sound as polite as Mrs. Richford.

"Would you like some tea, Madam Angelica?" Mrs. Richford offered.

"Yuck! NO... er no thanks, but I would like some soda, please," Angelica sighed.

"We do not serve soda at tea parties, Madam Angelica," Mrs. Richford reminded her.

"Oh, uh, I meant milk, um, please," Angelica corrected herself, her cheeks turning pink again.

"Just plain milk?" Mrs. Richford asked, "Are you sure that's what you want, Madam Angelica?"

"Of course I'm sure! That's what I said I wan... uh, yes, I am sure, thank you," Angelica said.

Mrs. Richford poured Angelica a glass of milk.

"Here you are, Madam Angelica," said Mrs. Richford.

"Thanks," said Angelica, slurping down some of the milk. Then realizing her mistake, she put the glass down and picked it up again, this time taking a dainty little sip.

"Would you like some tea cake?" asked Mrs. Richford.

"Cake? Where? I love cake!" Angelica cried.

"Ahem..." Mrs. Richford hinted.

"I mean, yes please, Madam Richford," Angelica said. So Mrs. Richford placed a slice of cake on Angelica's plate.

"Thanks," said Angelica.

"So, have you any interesting stories to share?" asked Mrs. Richford.

"Uh, yeah, er, yes, I do," Angelica said.

"Please, share," said Mrs. Richford.

"Well, yesterday at school, this bully named Clint was picking on me at recess, so I punched him in the face, and then he lost a tooth and his mouth was all bloody, and they had to take him to the nurses," Angelica boasted.

"Um, thank you for sharing that, uh, delightful, er, story, Madam Angelica," Mrs. Richford stammered.

"Oops," Angelica muttered. The rest of the tea party passed quikly. Finally, Angelica was ready to hear her final grade.

"So, how did I do, Grandma?" Angelica asked.

"Well, quite frankly, to be perfectly honest, you did horribly," Mrs. Richford addmitted.

"Oh," Angelica said sadly.

"Don't worry, Angelica, you'll catch on eventually, I know you shall," Mrs. Richford reassured Angelica.

"Well, maybe, I guess your probably right," Angelica agreed.

"Good," said Mrs. Richford, "Now meet me at the same time tomorrow. Then we will work more on what we worked on today. You may leave now."

Angelica walked out the door and back home. She was kind of getting the hang of this stuff, at least a little.

To Be Continued

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