The Tweeenage Rugrats In: "Party Poopers"

By Birch Griesse

"Have you decided who you want to invite to your party yet, Kimi?" Kira called.

In five days, Kimi would be turning twelve.

"Yeah, mom!" Kimi called back, "Tommy, Phil, Lil, Dil, Ken, Sara, Mary, Ann, Lila, Lola, and Carrie, duh!"

"OK, now let's go buy some invitations and order a cake," Kira said.

"And get some brand-new clothes, and soda, and party plates and cups and napkins, and a piñata!" Kimi added. So the Finsters drove off.

First they went to the bakery. They ordered a cake with a picture of the "Zoo Crew" band on it.

Then they went to the Try-And-Save to get everything else. Kimi picked out a pair of black velvety pants and a glittery white shirt to wear. Kira and Chazz paid for the stuff and went home.

Not long after they'd gotten back, Kira and Chazz had to take Chuckie to the dentist to get his braces tightened, leaving Kimi home alone. She switched on the TV so she could watch The Weakest Link.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Kimi peeked through the key hole just to see the faces of Pierre and Anita staring back.

"Just pretend you're not here," Kimi thought.

Just then, Pierre called out, "Charles Sr.? Charles Jr.? Kimberly? Kerima? I know your home! That television of yours is on and so are your lights!"

"Kerima?" Kimi muttered.

Without thinking, she opened the door. Anita and Pierre stepped carefully into the Finsters' house.

"I thought you weren't coming back after last time," Kimi said, "And who the heck is Kerima?"

"Well, we changed our minds. And do not speak like that!" Pierre scolded, "Little girls should be seen and not heard!"

Kimi started to say that she wasn't little, she was twelve, when Anita said, "And I cannot believe you do not know who Kerima is! She is your own mother, dear!"

Kimi looked surprised. Anita and Pierre inspected her carefully. She was wearing her new velvety black pants and sparkly white shirt.

"What are you wearing?!" Pierre exclaimed, "Girls should not wear pants! That is only for boys! Girls should wear dresses!"

"Not to worry," said Anita, dragging Kimi up to the bathroom, "We will dress you haute couture!"

"What the hey does that mean?!" Kimi asked.

"And we will have to work on her social skills, too," said Pierre, ignoring Kimi's question.

In the bathroom, Anita and Pierre set to work fancying Kimi all up.

They squeezed her into a red velvet dress with white silk bows. Then they pulled her hair into a complicated bun. Finally, they placed a large white satin ribbon in her hair.

"There!" said Anita, "Do you not look just perfectly lovely?"

"No, I don't," Kimi answered, "I look perfectly ridiculous!"

"Just wait until you see what we have selected for your birthday party!" Anita said, as she dragged Kimi back downstairs. A commercial was on the television. A bunch of teenaged girls in tight dresses and flip-flops skipped across the screen.

"I cannot imagine how they can stand to wear those shameful garments!"

Pierre gasped.

"And with so many people watching!" Anita exclaimed, "I would not be caught dead wearing something like that for all of the money in the world! Not in one million years!"

"Everybody wears that stuff here!" Kimi explained, "It's fashion!"

"Well, on with business," said Pierre, "Who are you inviting to your birthday party?"

"What's it to you?" Kimi asked in a snotty tone of voice.

"Excuse me?" Pierre said.

"I said, 'what's it to you?'," Kimi repeated.

"Do not talk to you elders like that, you rude little monster! I demand to know who are inviting to your birthday this instant!" Pierre raged, turning red.

"Why?" Kimi asked coolly. Just then there was a knock on the door, and Tommy and the rest of the rugrats entered the house.

"Can't wait till your party!" Sara exclaimed. Then she and the other rugrats stopped and gaped at Kimi, Pierre and Anita. Kimi's face turned redder than Pierre's. Dil snickered.

"Do not tell me you are inviting those ... things to your party!" Anita gasped, "Why, their clothing is worse than that of the young women on the television!"

"But they're my friends!" Kimi said, defensively.

"Friends!" Pierre scoffed, "They are not dressed right, they do not talk right ... I forbid you ever to go anywhere near these sorry excuses for human beings ever again! Be off with you, leeches! Stay out of my sight and away from my granddaughter!"

"Hey!" Kimi cried, "Come back! Don't be afraid of them!"

"You obviously haven't heard the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover'!" Kimi said when her friends had gone, "I refuse to believe I am related to you in any way!"

"Don't worry, Kimberly," Anita said, "We'll make sure you invite the right people and do the right things. Wouldn't want you making friends with thier sort."

"That reminds me," said Pierre, "What will you be doing at your party?"

"My friends and I are going to listen to music, eat cake, play games, bust the piñata, then I'll open presents, and you're not going to change that, because I'm not letting you stay." Kimi said.

"No!" said Anita, "You WILL NOT do that!"

"First of all," said Pierre, "We will decide who is coming. And we will not do your plan, we will do our plan." Anita pulled a chart from her pocket and read,

"First, we will play some classical music as the guests arrive. Then we will have tea and tea cakes. After that we will play croquet and tennis. Finally, you will open your gifts. By the way, you will return the gifts your parents have gotten you -- you will receive only proper gifts for a proper girl -- like dresses, flowers, and, most importantly, a book on etiquette, written in the 18th century version of the Queen's English, the only English that girls should speak. Too bad you don't know French -- I would've given you an etiquette book written in Louis XIV French."

"No way!" Kimi protested. At that moment, Kira, Chuckie and Chazz walked into the house.

"Mom," Kimi groaned, "Make them leave!" Kira took one look at Pierre and Anita and said, "Out, both of you! Kimi will live her life the way she is destined to live it without you butting in as you please! Now pack your bags and don't ever return!"

Anita said, "We will not. We will teach your poor excuse of a daughter proper manners, whatever it takes!"

Chazz then said, "Will a call to police change your mind? I don't think a trespassing charge would make a good souvenir to take home."

Anita said, "Fine, then! But mark our words -- a good girl is a proper girl -- by our terms!"

Kira waved them out the door.

"Thanks for helping me ... Kerima," Kimi giggled.

"Kerima?" Chuckie asked.

The End

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