The Tweenage Rugrats In "Kimi's Weakest Link"

By Dwayne Anderson

It was Sunday night at the Finster household. While Chazz and Kira did the dinner dishes, Chuckie and Kimi sat before the television watching "The Weakest Link".

"I'm sorry Mr. Simpson, but you haven't gotten any questions right, and your friends have voted you off." said Anne Robinson, the host.

"D'oh!", said Homer.

Anne replied, "That's what they all say -- they all say D'oh. With four votes, you are the weakest link -- goodbye."

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it" said Kira as she went over to the front door and opened it.

Outside stood two people in fancy clothing that people in a middle class  wore. Kira seemed to recognize them.

Chazz came out to the front door to meet her.

"Who are these people?" he asked.

"I'll answer that" said the man. "My name is Pierre and this is my wife Anita."

"I know you" said Kira. "You were my first husband's parents."

"That's right" said Anita. "Now where is that darling little granddaughter of mine?"

Just then, Kimi came into the hall.

"Mom, dad, who are these people?" she asked.

"Kimi!" cried Pierre. "It is good to see you!"

"Who are you?" asked Kimi.

"Kimi, this is Pierre and Anita" said Kira. "They are your french grandparents."

"Huh?" asked Kimi. "I have two sets of grandparents?"

"That's right" said Pierre. "My, my, my, how beautiful you look!"

Pierre and Anita began to look over Kimi.

"Kimi, don't tell me you're wearing that!" said Anita.

"And your hair style is totally unacceptable!" said Pierre. "We'll have to change that."

"We bought you some new clothes to wear" said Anita as she emptied her bags. "We'll just dress you up like they do in the middle class."

"She can wear what she wants to" said Kira.

"But she's from France!" said Anita.

"True" said Kimi. "But I live in America now."

"Come, come, come" said Pierre, "we'll get you up to your room and fix you up!"

They took Kimi by her shoulders and took her up to her room.

"Hey, easy!" said Kimi. "Watch the hair!"

Chazz and Kira watched from the hall as Pierre and Anita took Kimi up to her room.

"It's been so long" said Kira. "You see, Kimi's father came from a middle class family. They were very strict about his appearance and controlled the way he lived. Pierre was a poet and songwriter, while Anita was a traditional housewife."

"You mean his parents were rich?" asked Chazz.

"Of course" said Kira. "The richest people in Paris, even richer than some of the famous french kings."

"Like Louis XIV?" asked Chazz.

"Exactly" said Kira. "His parents at first didn't want him to marry me."

"Why not?" asked Chazz.

"It's because he came from a middle class family, while I was from a poor family from Japan. Somedays, they wouldn't even give me a second glance."

Meanwhile, upstairs in Kimi's room, Pierre and Anita put some new clothes on Kimi. They had taken off her shirt, skirt, and shoes. On top of everything, they had pulled the hairband out of her hair, allowing her pigtail to fall behind her back. They combed her hair, sprayed perfume in it, and tied it into a ponytail.

Next, they put on her, a pink dress with blue ribbons and seams, and crystal slippers on her feet. Then they put a large pink bow on top of her head.

"Now don't you look spiffy?!" said Anita.

"Grandma, I don't usually dress this way" said Kimi.

"Now Kimi" said Pierre, "you have to dress in a manner that is acceptable to all people. Don't you want to snag a boy with rich parents?"

"But...but..." stammered Kimi.

Pierre and Anita took Kimi out of her room and downstairs.

Meanwhile, the other grownups and their kids had just arrived. When they saw Kimi, they gasped.

"What do you think everyone?" asked Anita. "Doesn't she look spiffy?"

"Grandma!" cried Kimi, "you're embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

"You call those kids your friends?!" asked Pierre. "Just look at them in clothes of the past. They're out of style. You'll make plenty of new friends with your new appearance."

"I'm happy enough with my friends!" said Kimi.

She went off into the living room to finish watching her game show.

On TV, Anne said, "Who's knowledge is best suited for WATCHING television, certainly not APPEARING on it? Who is a huge embarrassment to the American educational system? It's time to vote off, The Weakest Link."

The announcer said, "Statistically, Ned Flanders is the strongest link -- he got all his questions correct. Mr. Burns is statistically the weakest link, though he banked the most money. How will the votes decide?"

Anne says, "Four of these players will advance to the next round; one will take that Walk Of Shame. Find out when we return to The Weakest Link."

A commercial came on.

Pierre and Anita came into the living room.

"What is this filth you're watching?!" demanded Anita.

"It's not filth grandma, it's The Weakest Link."

"Girls do not watch stuff like that. Stuff like that is reserved for boys" said Pierre. "Now turn off the television" said Anita.

Anita turned off the television set.

"Time for tea!" she said.

"Tea?!" cried Kimi. "I don't even drink it!"

"There's a time for everything" said Pierre.

"No way" said Kimi. She stood, and walked back upstairs to her room. When she came back down, she was wearing her shirt, skirt, and shoes. Her hair was tied back in a pigtail.

Anita and Pierre gasped.

"You can't just take off those new clothes!" said Anita. "We worked hard putting them on!"

"I don't like what you two are doing to me!" said Kimi. I'm an American now! I just want to be myself!"

"She's got a point" said Kira.

"You know, you're just like your father Kimi" said Pierre. "You reject the traditions of middle class families and activities and do things we don't approve of!"

"I want to be just who I am" said Kimi. "I got friends, I got a new family,  I got my own life! I don't want to be like you!"

"Fine then!" said Anita. "Don't count on us to come to your next birthday! Once we leave, we won't ever be coming back!"

They picked up their bags and walked out the door.

As they left the house, the Finsters were at the door as they watched them leave.

Kimi said, "Hey Grandma!"

Anita said, "What is it?"

Kimi said, "You are The Weakest Link -- goodbye!", them she slammed the door.

Anita said to Pierre, "Television is rotting away the brains of girls. No wonder they're all paupers in America."

"Phew" said Kimi, "I'm glad they're gone."

"Me too" said Kira. "I never did like those two when I was married to your father. If he was still alive, he would be so proud that you're just like  him, wanting to live life you way you want to. Although, I will miss those two."

"That's ok mom" said Kimi, "they were starting to get on my nerves. Now, lets get back to the TV."

Kimi turns the TV back on.

On TV, Anne said, "Join us next time on The Weakest Link... (winks) goodbye."

The End

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