The Tweenage Rugrats in: "Whiz Quiz"

By Dwayne Anderson

It was an early Wednesday afternoon. Stu Pickles was watching television and sitting on his couch looking for toy commercials. As he changed the channels, he came across a promo for a game show.

"Hi; I'm Wink Martindale. Join me for "Whiz Quiz", the game show for kids, every Thursday night at 7:30PM on this channel. Parents, if your kids like the challenge of mastering tough questions for a chance at big prizes, then come on down... to the studio for an audition. Six kids will be chosen to be divided into three teams. Your kids' knowledge could be their ticket to a higher education, with lots of neat prizes to boot. Whiz Quiz, Thursdays at 7:30PM, 6:30 Central. Be there!"

Whiz Quiz's announcer, Jay Stewart, then reminded viewers, "And don't forget Celebrity Whiz Quiz, Saturday nights at 8PM, 7 Central. This week, the casts of The Brady Bunch vs. The Partridge Family!"

Stu turned off the television.

A little later that day, when the kids got home, they were quite suprised to see Stu, Didi, Chas, Kira, Betty, and Howard standing in the Pickle's front yard.

"Get in the car kids" said Stu. "We're going someplace fun today!"

A little later, the rugrats and their parents stood in the lobby of the studio. The receptionist came out of the studio door.

"Mr. Martindale will see you now" she said.

The rugrats and their parents entered.

"Ahh, you must be here to audition for tomorrow night's game" said Wink.

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Dil, Lil, and Kimi sat in chairs on the stage.

Wink looked around the studio.

"Are you the only people to come today? If so, I guess you six kids are the players for tomorrow night's game. Congratulations!"

The grownups cheered.

Thursday night came. The studio was filled with people sitting in the chairs. It was a full house tonight. Among the people were Tommy's girlfriend Tonya, Chuckie's girlfriend Samantha, Lil's boyfriend Timmy, and Phil's girlfriend Lindsay.

On the stage were three podiums to one side, each with a black buzzer and a microphone. At the other side, was the podium for the host, also with a microphone and a control panel. Between them, on the wall, was a giant monitor.

The show starts. Announcer Jay Stewart said, "This is the game where a little knowledge goes a long way. It's Whiz Quiz! And now, here is the Whiz Quiz Quiz Wiz, Wink Martindale!"

Everyone applauded.

"Thank you, Jay Stewart. Good evening, and welcome to Whiz Quiz, a game where the knowledge of basic facts can help you win big prizes. Jay Stewart, please welcome tonight's contestants."

Tommy and Dil came onto the stage first and to their podium. Jay Stewart introduced them all.

"Their parents are a high school teacher and an inventor -- meet brothers Tommy and Dil Pickles."

The audience applauded, Stu, Didi, and Tonya clapped the loudest.

Chuckie and Kimi came onto the stage and to their podium.

"Their parents are a career bureaucrat and a theme park secretary -- meet Chuckie Finster and his stepsister Kimi Finster."

There was more applause, mostly from Chas, Kira, and Samantha.

Phil and Lil came onto the stage and to their podium.

"And their parents -- uh, I can't read the rest of their card, but let's meet their kids anyway -- twins Phil and Lil DeVille."

There was applause from the audience, and lots of applause from Betty,  Howard, Timmy, and Lindsay.

"Now let me explain the rules" said Wink. "The game is divided into three major rounds. For each question you answer correctly, you get one point. Round one has questions with multiple choice. Round two is the same, but without multiple choice. Round three is the A&Q round, where your answer is in the form of a question. The team with the most points after round three wins the game, and advances to our bonus round, The Big Picture. The highest scorers on this program will return later on for the Tournament of Champions, where a lucky winner will take home $250,000 in US Savings Bonds; and this..."

Jay Stewart announced, "A new car!"

The audience applauds with such frenzy.

Jay continued, "This lovely 4-door Ford Mustang come equipped with leather interior, automatic transmission, CD player, AM-FM stereo, air conditioning, anti-lock brakes, passenger-side airbags and California emission. The Ford Mustang."

"Now let's proceed to round one," said Wink.

He went to his podium.

"Remember, when you have the answer to a question, just hit the black buzzer in front of you."

The rugrats nodded.

Wink picked up a card.

"Here is your first question."

Tommy rang the buzzer.

Wink started to laugh. "Uh, wait for the question."

Lil rang the buzzer.

"Didn't you heard me?" asked Wink.

Kimi rang the buzzer. "Yes we did." (rimshot)

"Good answer! Good answer! Alright!" cheered the three teams.

The audience began to laugh.

"Are you going to wait for the question?" asked Wink.

Lil rang the buzzer. "No." (rimshot)

"Good answer! Yay!" cheered the teams.

There were a few more laughs from the audience.

"Don't buzz in until you can say the answer" said Wink.

Kimi rang the buzzer. "The answer!" (rimshot)

Everybody whooped.

"Very well" said Wink. "The what."

"It was?" asked Chuckie. "What was the question?"

"I don't know" said Wink.

"Then don't buzz in" said Lil.

"I didn't buzz in!" shouted Wink.

"Then you can't answer the question" said Kimi. (rimshot)

Everyone in the audience was laughing hysterically.

Wink was really frusterated now.

"Do you think this is funny?!"

Dil rang the buzzer. "Yes!" (rimshot)

"Alright! Good answer!" cheered the three teams.

The audience burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Where are our points?" asked Dil. "Don't we get points for answering a question correctly?"

"I didn't ask any questions yet!" shouted Wink.

"Yes you did!" said Tommy.

"What a liar!" said Lil. "Liar liar, pants on fire!"

"I'm not lying!" shouted Wink.

"You're certainly not sitting down either" said Kimi. (rimshot)

Everybody burst into laughter.

"All right let's try again. Now..."

But Wink was interupted by Phil ringing the buzzer.

"Sorry, my hand slipped!" he said.

"Do not ring the buzzers until I asked the question."

He read the card.

"Who is the president of the United States? Is it A)George W. Bush? B)Bill Clinton? C)Abraham Lincoln? Or D)Regis Philbin?"

The kids thought about it, drumming their fingers on the podium, until Dil accidentally hit the buzzer.

"Yes Dil?" asked Wink.

"What?" asked Dil.

"What is your answer?"

To what?"

"Who is the President of the United States?"

"Eh?" asked Dil.

"Yes!" said Wink. "That's correct!"

The audience cheered. Dil and Tommy earned one point.

"Next question" said Wink as he pulled out another card. "Who was Canada's all time leading hockey scorer? Is it A)Mario Lemieux? B)Wayne Gretsky? C)Brett Hull? Or D)Don Cherry?"

Kimi rang the buzzer.

"Yes Kimi?"

"Wayne Gretzky is my favorite player."

"Is that your final answer?"

"To what?"

"Wayne Gretzky is the all time leading scorer?"

"I didn't know that." (rimshot)

Everyone laughed.

"I'm not telling you! I'm asking you!"

" mistake. I thought you were talking about Wayne Gretzky."

"I am!"

Kimi hesitated. "Could you repeat the question?"

"Well let me tell you something Kimi. You're correct!"

The audience was filled with a mixture of laughter and applause. Kimi and Chuckie earned one point.

"Here's the third question" said Wink as he took out another card. "How many states in the United States? A)49? B)50? C)51? Or D)52?"

Lil rang the buzzer. "B!"

"Correct!" said Wink.

The crowd cheered. Lil and Phil got one point.

A bell rang.

"That signals the end of round one. You used up much of round one wasting time and making jokes with your buzzers. We'll start our second round, after we take time out for this."

The show goes to a commercial. Wink speaks to the Rugrats.

He says, "This is just a simple question-and-answer game show, not Let's Make A Deal. Just be yourself, take it easy, and answer the questions."

The show left commercial.

Wink asays, "Time for round two."

Kimi rang her buzzer.

"Stop playing with those buzzers!" shouted Wink.

Phil rang the buzzer. "Sorry, slipped again!"

Wink took out a card.

"What was the occupation of the woman who performed medical miracles?"

Chuckie rang the buzzer.

"Any idea's Chuckie?" asked Wink.

Chuckie thought and thought. But he couldn't think of the answer. He shook his head. "None."

"Correct! Mother Theresa was a nun!"

Everyone laughed.

"One point to team 2!"

One point was added to Kimi and Chuckie's score.

"Next question" said Wink as he took another card. What is the name of a famous herb used in spices and on potato chips?"

Dil rang the buzzer.

"Do you know the answer...uh...?"

"Dil" said Dil.

"Exactly! One point to team 1!"

One point was added to Tommy and Dil's score.

"Next question" said Wink as he took out another card. "What did the french writer Emile Zoula obtain for an army officer wrongfully convicted of treason?"

Phil rang the buzzer.

"Yes Phil."

Suddenly, Phil burped. "Pardon" he said.

"Correct! A pardon! One point to team 3!"

Everyone laughed. One point was added to Phil and Lil's scoreboard.

"Next question" said Wink as he took out another card. "What are the famous plays in Japan still performed today that involves the warrior class as actors wearing masks."

Kimi rang the buzzer.

"Do you know the answer Kimi?"

Kimi thought. Then she shook her head. "No."

"Correct! The Noh plays! One point to team 2!"

Everyone was laughing hysterically now. Another point was added to Chuckie and Kimi's scoreboard.

"Next question" said Wink pulling out another card. "Name one fact about the former president, John F. Kennedy."

Lil rang the buzzer.


"Uh...he's named after an airport?"

"Correct! One point to team 3!"

Another point was added to Phil and Lil's team.

"Fill in the blank -- A famous novel was called the blank of Loneliness."

Tommy rang the buzzer.

"What's the answer Tommy. Tommy thought and thought. "...well..."

"Correct! The Well of Loneliness! Another point to team 1!"

Everyone laughed. Another point was added to Tommy and Dil's scoreboard.

A bell began to ring.

"That's it for round two. We'll start round three, the A&Q round, after these words."

Wink speaks to the Rugrats again.

He said, "You're getting the hang of it now. Keep it up, and some of you will be walking out as champs!"

Back to the show.

"Time for round three, our A&Q round," said Wink. "In this round, your answers must be in the form of a question."

He took out a card. "First question. It is the capital of California."

Chuckie rang the buzzer.


"Uh Chuckie, you have to phrase your answer in the form of a question."

"I did!"

"No you didn't."

"I did too! Didn't you hear my voice go up at the end? Sacramento?"

"I'm sorry Chuckie but that isn't an acceptable answer. The correct answer is:`What is Sacramento?'"

He took out the next card. "Saddam Hussien."

"Who is the leader of China?" asked Lil.

"No, I'm sorry that's incorrect."

Kimi rang her buzzer.

"Yes Kimi?"

"Who is not the leader of China?" said Kimi. (rimshot)

The audience laughed hysterically.

"That's a good answer Kimi but you have to be more specific. The correct answer is:`Who is the leader of Iraq?'"

He took out another card.


Phil rang the buzzer. "Yes?" (rimshot)

Everyone laughed.

"Is that right?" asked Phil.

"No that's the answer" said Wink.

"What is?"


Phil rang the buzzer. "Yes?" (rimshot)

Everyone laughed.

"Philip is the answer!"

"Why thank you" said Phil.

"You're supposed to give it's meaning and its origin!"

"I am?" asked Phil.

"Oh never mind!" said Wink. "Next question!"

He took out another card.

"The famous luxury liner that sank when it struck an iceberg."

Nobody rang their buzzers.

"The question was:`What was the Titanic?'"

A bell began to ring.

Wink said, "That's the end of round three. With the score all tied up, all teams will be participating in the bonus round, The Big Picture. And since the game's all tied up 3 ways, the winner of this round will win the grand prize. And now, here's Jay Stewart to tell you of the prizes."

Jay said, "Today's winner will win an all-expenses paid trip for a family of four to fabulous Toronto! See the CN Tower, overlooking the great view of Lake Ontario! Visit the classical Casa Loma! See the Blue Jays at the Sky Dome! Have a ball at Canada's Wonderland! Marvel the awesome beauty of Niagara Falls! And much more! Winners will be staying at the fabulous Royal York Hotel, in the heart of downtown, known for its elegance. And mom will love this fake mink fur jacket, from Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills. And don't leave town without this matching piece luggage set from American Tourister!"

Jay went on, "Today's losers will receive the Whiz Quiz prize pack -- year's supplies of Turtle Wax and Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat! Plus, a free meal at Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a $100 gift certificate from Spiegel of Chicago, 60609."

Jay continued, "And all contestants will receive the Whiz Quiz home game! With thousands of questions and hours of fun, anyone can be a Quiz Wiz with the Whiz Quiz home game, from Milton Bradley. And once again, here's Wink!"

Wink said, "And now it's time for The Big Picture bonus round. In a moment, I'll give you a question, along with a rebus puzzle to go with it, plus 60 seconds to solve it. If you're able to solve the puzzle within the first 15 seconds, you win a $10,000 bonus. After 15 seconds, I'll give you a hint for a $5000 bonus. After another 15 seconds, I'll give you another hint for $2500. And during the last 15 seconds on the clock, I'll give you one more hint for $1250. And since the game is tied, all 3 teams will be playing for the Toronto trip, in addition to the bonus money."

Wink went on, "Ready? Here is The Big Picture: Who discovered the laws of gravity?"

The monitor began to reveal a puzzle in the form of a series of pictures and mathematical symbols.

The rugrats turned to the monitor.

"Eyes!" said Tommy.

"Plus sack!" said Chuckie.

"Isaac!" said Lil.

The tiles in the upper puzzle began to blink as each rugrat gave his or her answer. The tiles rotated to reveal the word "Isaac."

Wink said, "Here's your $5000 hint -- Fig cookie."

Then the rugrats turned their attention to the lower section of the puzzle.

"Lizard? Dragon?" asked Dil. "A newt?"

Thr tiles began to blink and then rotated to reveal the word "newt".

Wink said, "For $2500 -- really heavy."

The only picture left was of a gray anvil shaped object. Written on it were the words "2000 pounds".

"I got it!" said Kimi.

Everyone was silent.

"Isaac Newtweight!" said Kimi.

Wink said, "Here's your last hint for $1250 -- Wayne says Danke Shoen."

"Isaac Newtheavy!" said Kimi.

"Isaac Newtanvil?" asked Phil.

"Isaac Newtrapezoid?" asked Tommy.

A buzzer sounded.

Wink said, "Sorry, time's up. The answer was Issac Newton. Let me show you on the screen -- eye, sack, newt and ton -- Issac Newton."

Tommy said, "Figures."

"Jay, tell them what they won," said Wink.

Jay said, "You all won Turtle Wax, Rice-A-Roni, a KFC dinner, a $100 Spiegel gift certificate and, of course, the Whiz Quiz home version."

Wink said, "I'm so sorry. Thanks for playing Whiz Quiz."

As the Whiz Quiz theme plays, he congratulates each contestant personally.

Wink said, "That's all this week for Whiz Quiz. Join me this Saturday when The Brady Bunch tackle The Partridge Family on Celebrity Whiz Quiz. And I''ll see you again next week when people like you try to outsmart each other on Whiz Quiz! For Jay Stewart, I'm Wink Martindale, goodnight."

The audience applauds as the theme plays.

"That was fun!" said Kimi. "I wanna do it again someday!"

"Boy will Angelica be suprised when she finds out we're on stage!" said Tommy. "We're stars!"

The rugrats and their parents drove home under the stars.

"We're sorry none of you won" said Stu.

"That's ok" said Tommy. "Maybe you can use some of my Turtle Wax."

"I got an idea!" said Stu. "Why don't we all go to Canada this summer!"

"Consider it your prize for pleasing your parents" said Didi.

"Yay!" cheered the rugrats."

The End

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