I'm Reptar, From Canmore

By Dwayne Anderson

One October day, Stu was working in his workshop when he got a call from Mr. Yamaguchi, president of The Reptar Corporation.

"Hello", said Stu

Mr. Yamaguchi said, "Mr. Pickles, I have a very special project for you. Due to the success of the Reptar robot at EuroReptarLand, I was wondering if you could do me a special favor."

Stu replied, "Anything for you; anything for Reptar and is fans."

Mr. Yamaguchi explained, "We are opening a similar theme park in Canada called ReptarLand Canada. It's located in the Canadian Rockies near the town of Canmore, Alberta, about 70 miles west of Calgary."

"Reptar's going to be a hit in the Great White North, I take it," said Stu.

"Right," said Mr. Yamaguchi. "And the manager wants to have Thanksgiving dinner with you and your family and friends in Canmore."

Stu said, "Wow, that'll be great."

Mr. Yamaguchi then said, "A couple of caveats, though -- first of all, I hope you like Thanksgiving on Columbus Day, because that's when Canadians celebrate Thanksgving. Also, the manager can be hard to manage, even more so than Coco LaBouche, back in Paris."

"Don't worry -- 'patience' is my middle name," said Stu.

Mr. Yamaguchi replied, "Then your first name better be 'I have a lot of'. A courier will be sending you the plane tickets and plans. See you this weekend."

Stu then went upstairs to Didi to tell them the news, resulting in excitement.

A few days later, the whole gang was on a plane bound for Calgary. The Rugrats, of course, are wreaking havoc in First Class.

After landing in Calgary, they all boarded a Reptar bus, just like the one in Paris, and went to Reptarland Canada, just like the one in Paris. And because of that fact, it looks like a big wave was going to wash the mountains away.

And of course, once there, they settled in the hotel room, where everyone had a nice sleep. The Rugrats, of course, was dreaming about Reptar, while Stu dreams about that special project and a great Thanksgiving dinner. Didi, of course, will still be making her trademark turkey dinner with all the fixings, as Kira told Mr. Yamaguchi what a great cook she is.

The next day was Thanksgiving morning in Canada, Columbus Day in the US. It was a special banquet hall, where the day's meals were going to be held. Didi had woke up early to put the turkey in the oven. Every year, she would wake up a few minutes earlier to put the turkey in the oven, although last year, there was no cooked turkey since they literally had a turkey for dinner!

As the sky lit up with the pinkness of the dawn, she began to make breakfast.

Stu came into the kitchen.

"I got a suprise for you Didi!" he said.

"What is it?" asked Didi as she began to make flapjacks.

"We're having 2 special guests today -- Mr. Yamaguchi, and the manager of Reptarland Canada."


"Of course. I first met him at Canadian Tire on the Trans-Canada yesterday. Love that Canadian Tire, where you can practically get anything and everything for your home and car. And they give out this groovy cash with a picture of a Scotsman on them. Canadian Tire is still the right place. Though, of course, it was my first visit."

"That's wonderful Stu. We never had a special guest for Thanksgiving...well except for the turkey last year. And I gotta check out that Canadian Tire before we leave; a very interesting place."

Betty walked into the kitchen and chimed in, "And you can't leave Canada without visting Tim Horton's -- I didn't know a hockey player can make great donuts!"

Charlotte, right by Betty's side, said, "And don't forget Zellers, where they have Canada's lowest prices; they say that they have to charge low prices -- it's the law."

"Speaking of the turkey last year, we gave him a home at a chicken farm."

"How is he doing?"

"Just fine. In fact, he's too special to eat."

"Who is this guest we're having?"

"He's some guy named Mike -- he never gave a last name -- who lives right here in Canmore. He says that he runs Reptarland Canada like a well-oiled machine."

Later that day, in the late afternoon...

Everyone had arrived, except Mike and Mr. Yamaguchi -- Stu said that they was held up at a meeting, and they would arrive soon. Everyone was gathered in the banquet hall making last minute preparations for Thanksgiving dinner. The adults pitched in, helping Didi cook Thanksgiving dinner --  corn on the cob, mashed potatoes and gravy, pumpkin pie, and other Thanksgiving delights.

While everybody set the food on the twenty foot long mahogany table, Kira placed the kids in the playpen.

Meanwhile, Stu began to pop some popcorn in the microwave.

"Stu, it's Thanksgiving!" said Didi.

"But Didi" said Stu, "don't you remember the first Thanksgiving in the US? The Indians brought the settlers popcorn in deer hide. Don't know how it was in Canada, but that's the way it went in America."


"Of course."

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" said Stu. He went to the front door and opened it.

Mr. Yamaguchi appeared.

"Hello, Mr. Yamaguchi," greeted Stu.

"He's here Didi!"

"Who is?" asked Didi.

"Our guests!"

"Bring them in. I'll go outside and tell everyone."

Behind Mr. Yamaguchi stood a powerfully built man with broad shoulders, a red farmer cap emblasoned with the logo of the Calgary Flames hockey team, a blue and white checkered shirt, an orange vest, and blue jeans. Next to him was a giant doll that resembled a white shaggy dog.

Stu led the men into the kitchen, along with the fake dog. He led the man to the banquet hall. Everyone turned to the men, though for now, they only see Mr. Yamaguchi -- that other man was still behind him.

Mr Yamaguchi said, "Stu, I know you already met him yesterday at Canadian Tire -- loved their money, by the way, though Pioneer Oil's more colorful -- but here's a man with no introduction, because he's capable of doing it himself. Here he is, the manager of Reptarland Canada."

With a shy smile, the man spoke.

"I'm Mike...from Canmore."

He turned to his fake dog.

"This is Norm. Sit."

Chas said, "He's the manager of Reptarland Canada? But he's that dolt I saw Friday night on Royal Canadian Air Farce on CBC Television!"

"Small world," said Betty.

"What cute kids" said Mike.

"They certainly are" said Stu. "I'd like you to meet Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Dil, and Kimi. Kimi's Japanese, although she's from Paris."

"And I'm from Canmore" said Mike.

Kimi giggled.

"Do you have any kids of your own?" asked Chas.

"No, I'm not even married" said Mike.

Everyone sat down to dinner.

"Have a seat Mike" said Betty.

"You mean I can take it home?" asked Mike.

"No, she means sit down" said Howard.

"Ok" said Mike. And he sat down on the ground.

"I mean on this chair" said Betty motioning for the empty seat between Stu and Drew.

Mike sat on the chair.

"Who's your dog?" asked Angelica.

"That's Norm" said Mike. He turned to his fake dog, who still sat on the grass.


As expected, Norm didn't do anything.

"Good boy," said Mike.

Didi asked Mike, "Would you like to say grace?"

"Grace," said Mike.

Everybody laughed.

When they finished with the real grace, they loaded up their plates.

"It is a tradition to give thanks before we eat on Thanksgiving" said Stu.

"Ok" said Didi, "why don't we give thanks first before we eat?"

"I'll start" said Stu.

Meanwhile in the playpen, the kids, feeling hungry, opened the playpen and walked to the table.

Stu began to speak. "I'm thankful to have a wonderful wife, great friends, and two sons to play with."

"I'm thankful for my two boys and my Einstein husband" said Didi.

"I'm thankful to have three grandchildren and to have my first true love as my wife" said Lou.

"I'm thankful that I have finally married the cook that gave me food 56 years ago" said Lulu. She added "and that the kids can finally hear the end of a story."

"I was always falling asleep" said Lou.

"I'm thankful to have a strong wife and two adorable children" said Howard.

"I'm thankful to have a handsome husband and two pups of my own" said Betty.

"Are you a dog?" asked Mike.

"No, I'm a human!" said Betty. "Geez, where are you coming from?!"

As expected, Mike said, "I'm from Canmore!"

Everyone laughed, including Betty.

Meanwhile, under the table, the kids quietly giggled.

"I'm thankful to have a new wife and a new mom for my little guy" said Chas.

"I'm thankful to live in this country with a wonderful husband" said Kira.

Kimi began to crawl over to her mother's side.

"I'm also thankful to be the new mother in Chuckie's life."

Just then Kira felt someone tugging on her dress. She turned and saw Kimi who was still tugging.

With a laugh, Kira picked up Kimi. "I'm also thankful that I have an adorable little girl of my own. And that I no longer work for Coco."

"You worked for hot chocolate?" asked Mike.

"No" said Kira. "Coco, was my boss."

"You were bossed around by a hot drink?"

Everyone laughed.

"I always though people worked for money. Instead, you worked for hot chocolate" said Mike.

There were even more laughs.

Mr. Yamaguchi told Mike, "Coco LaBouche was a manager of EuroReptarLand who, shall we say, almost ruined a few lives. These days, she and her assistant, Jean-Claude, are working as testers at a perfume factory."

"No wonder French Coco has that unique odor," said Mike.

"I'm thankful for my wife, my business, and my beautiful princess" said Drew.

"Thanks daddy" said Angelica.

"I'm thankful for my marriage, my job, my daughter, and all my fellow workers, except Jonathan" said Charlotte.

Just then, her cell phone rang. She pulled out her cell phone.

"Not now Jonathan! I'm having Thanksgiving dinner!"

She put her cell phone away.

"What about you Mike?" asked Stu. "Are you thankful for anything?"

"Yes" said Mike as he stood. "Since I am the guest of honour, I'll stand up for my speech."

He began to speak.

"I'm thankful for diet beer, even it confuses my body so I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"Is that it?" asked Stu.

"I'm Thankful for the wind, so I can dry my hair real quick."

Kira began to laugh.

"I'm thankful for Kraft Dinner, which is an inexpensive way to insulate my garage."

Chaz asks, "Sorry for interrupting, but what's Kraft Dinner?"

Mike explained, "Kraft Dinner is a box of macaroni that you boil in water, after you take it out of the box, of course. Then you mix this orangey powder into the macaroni."

Didi said, "Oh, I get it. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese."

Mike replied, "I though it said Kraft Dinner."

Everyone laughed.

"Anyway, to continue, I'm thankful for the cold weather, because when Norm comes in after being outside, he doesn't smell as bad."

He turned to Norm. "Stay!"

Everyone laughed.

"I'm thankful for the phone company, for providing a hundred different  calling features...two of which are actually useful. Why is the local telephone company called Telus, if they don't want you to tell them anything?"

Everyone was laughing now.

"I'm thankful for our educational system which allowed me to get my grade 6.................eventually."

Everyone laughed.

"I'm thankful for the Canada goose which is delicious with spaghetti O's."

"I think I'm about to lose my appetite!" said Angelica.

"I'm thankful for McDonald's Big Mac, which contains at least 10 percent less fat than a bowl of fat."

Everyone laughed.

"I'm thankful for the clapper...so I can flush the toilet without getting  out of bed."

Everyone laughed hysterically.

"I'm thankful for women, who wear body piercings, so I got some place to hang my car keys."

By now, everyone was laughing hysterically, including the kids.

Mike grinned. Earlier, he had hung his car keys on Didi's earrings.

"I'm thankful for Christmas, because I can collect fruit cakes, because if you get enough of them, you can build your own garage."

Everyone laughed.

"I'm also thankful for Christmas, because it's the only time of year where I can stand under the mistletoe, and do the macarena.

"I'm thankful for New Year's eve, which is when I'll get to write my list of things to resolve."

"Can you tell us?" asked Stu.

"Sure" said Mike.

He cleared his throat.

"I resolve to brush after every meal, provided I can find my teeth."

"They're in your mouth right now" said Drew.

"I resolve help slow down the greenhouse effect by leaving my air conditioner on all winter."

"That won't help" said Stu.

"I resolve to find a way to cook bacon on my bug zapper."

"Now I've really lost my appetite" said Angelica.

"I resolve to stop eating red meat by spray painting all my steaks yellow."

Everyone laughed, except for Angelica.

"I resolve to take up smoking, so next year, I'll have something I resolve to give up."

"You shouldn't smoke at all" said Chas.

"How else can we make the Canadian government rich?", said Mike.

Mike then ended, "But there is one fact I'm thankful of most of all, something that helps Canada's moral and dietetic fiber, this inalienable right that is as patriotic as the maple leaf, the mounties, and Canadian game shows, and that is the fact that  -- I'm Mike... from Canmore."

Everyone laughed. Mike sat back down.

"I would also like to give thanks to everyone today" he said.

"How nice" said Betty.

"Everyone except Preston Manning."

Chazz asked, "Who's he?"

Mike explained, "Preston Manning was the leader of the Reform party -- his only claim to fame is that he loved that word 'Reform'. Some time ago, they changed the name to the Canadian Alliance party, and replaced Preston with a religious Alberta nut bar named Stockwell Day, who loves to make appearances in scuba suits and makes a habit of spending Alberta's tax money on court cases. Since then, while he's singing 'Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow', 13 people in government, called Members of Parliament, was singing 'We Gotta Get Out Of This Place'."

Everyone laughed.

Mike continued, "It could've been worse, though -- they were going to name the party the Canadian Reform Alliance Party; think about it."

"Oh yeah," said Stu.

The adults laughed.

"I had a turkey for Thanksgiving last year" said Mike.

"Really?" asked Stu.

"Yep" said Mike, "he sat on my right!" (rimshot)

Everybody laughed.

Meanwhile under the table...

"I'm thankful to have a new grandma and all my friends" said Tommy.

"I'm thankful that me and Lil still have each other and you guys" said Phil.

"Same here" said Lil.

"Yucky!" said Dil.

"I'm thankful too" said Kimi. "I'm thankful for my first true American friends. I'm thankful for my new step-ped daddy, my mommy, and my real daddy up in heaband."

"I'm thankful that I got all my friends, my dad, my mom up in heaband, and my step-ped mommy. But most of all, I'm thankful I gots a little sister!" said Chuckie.

"I'm also thankful that you're my big brother Chuckie" said Kimi.

A little later, after dinner and dessert, Mike had to leave.

"We'll, it's been a great Thanksgiving, but there's a football game I have to watch," said Mike.

Everyone laughed.

Mike said, "And Stu, I'll talk to you again tomorrow about that big project that's going to knock off Reptar's socks. Though its funny, Reptar doesn't wear socks."

Mike waved goodbye to everyone and walked outside to his car with Norm, taking the car keys he had hung on Didi's earrings earlier. He drove away into the starry night sky back home with Norm.

But alas, thanks to Mike's brand of humor, they never got around to discussing the project, though Mr. Yamaguchi promised that they'll keep in touch.

A few weeks later, shortly before Thanksgiving in the US, Mr. Yamaguchi called Stu again.

"Hello?", Stu said.

Mr. Yamaguchi said, "Great news, that special project, though it was never discussed, has been approved."

Stu said, "Great, but I fogotten what that project was."

Mr. Yamaguchi explained, "It was a special project where you will be developing miniature Reptar robots to be sold as souvenirs at Reptarland Canada. And, if you don't mind, I would like to send a couple of men over for Thanksgiving dinner to discuss the project."

Stu replied, "Sure. Who?"

Mr. Yamaguchi said, "Handling the manufacturing sector is Red Green from Possum Lake -- he can make those robots very cheap. And handling the marketing is Geoff Stirling from Newfoundland -- he has a unique touch when it comes to promotion -- perhaps too unique."

"Here we go again," said Stu.

The End

Back To Rugrats Fan Fiction Back To Main Rugrats Page