Drive Safely, Amelia Bedelia

By Dwayne Anderson

On Friday morning, everyone was gathered by Charlotte's van. They had packed their belongings in suitcases in the van. Spike, Fluffy, and Fifi were coming too.

"Ok" said Stu. "Let's hit the road."

"Hit the road?" asked a puzzled Amelia Bedelia. "Alright!"

She picked up a stick. And Amelia Bedelia hit the road.

Everyone looked at her.

"Let's go" said Stu.

"Why don't we let Amelia Bedelia drive?" asked Didi.

Amelia Bedelia said, "I would be glad to."

"I think its a good idea" said Chas.

They all climbed into the van, with Amelia Bedelia in the drivers seat. She drove off out of town.

A little later, they passed by a farm.

"My, what a nice bunch of cows" said Amelia Bedelia.

"You mean herd of cows" said Stu.

"Heard of cows?" asked Amelia Bedelia. "Sure I've heard of cows!"

"I mean a cow herd!" said a frusterated Stu.

"So what do I care if a cow heard?" asked Amelia Bedelia. "I didn't say anything bad."

Everyone laughed, except Stu.

Some cows moved onto the road.

"Steer straight ahead!" shouted Stu.

"No, the steer is behind us!" said Amelia Bedelia.

Amelia Bedelia was right. A cow was now running beside the car.

"Push on the horn" shouted Stu.

Amelia Bedelia leaned out the window, and pushed on the cow's horn.


Didi leaned over from the seat behind Stu, and pushed on the car horn. The noise made the cows run off the road.

"Ok" said Stu. "We're coming up to a fork in the road."

Amelia Bedelia looked puzzled.

Up ahead, the road was split into two directions.

"Which road is the fork in?" she asked.

"Turn left" said Stu.

"Left" asked Amelia Bedelia.

"Right!" said Stu.

"Ok, I will turn right" said Amelia Bedelia

"I said turn left!" said Stu.

"Well left is not right" said Amelia Bedelia.

"That's right!" said Stu.

"Right is left. Left is wrong. I am so mixed up" said Amelia Bedelia. "Which way should I turn?"

Stu turned to the road which was fast approaching. If Amelia Bedelia didn't turn, the car would crash into the ditch.

"Bear left!" he shouted.

So Amelia Bedelia turned, to the right, and continued to drive.

"Amelia Bedelia!" shouted Stu. "Why did you turn right?"

"Because you warned me about the bear" said Amelia Bedelia.

"What bear?" shouted Stu.

"You said there was a bear on the left" said Amelia Bedelia.

"There was no bear!" shouted Stu. "I said bear left!"

"Oh!" said Amelia Bedelia. She returned her gaze to the road ahead. "If I had known that the bear had left, I would not have turned right."

Everyone was laughing hysterically, except Stu. Stu felt so angry, he could have blown up.

The tire beat him to it, as it had a blowout.

"Oh great!" shouted Stu. "A flat tire!"

He walked outside to the trunk and opened it. It was empty.

"Oh no!" he screamed.

"What's wrong?" asked Amelia Bedelia as she climbed out. "Did the bear come back?"

"We don't have a spare tire!" screamed Stu. "We're stranded!"

"Leave it to me" said Charlotte. She took out her cell phone and called a number.

Ten minutes later, a tow truck arrived.

"Need a tow?" the driver asked.

Amelia Bedelia started to answer, but Stu immediately interrupted, saying "Don't even bother to answer."

He got out of his truck and examined the flat tire.

"Here's the problem" he said. "You ran over a nail."

"A nail?" asked Amelia Bedelia. "I thought I ran over a fork in the road."

"Do you have a spare?" asked Stu.

"Sure" said the man. "Let me install it."

Amelia Bedelia then said, "Oh, I didn't know you were interested in bowling. I remember a time when I bowled a perfect game, then..."

Stu, already angry, said to her, "Will you please?! We would've been at Boris and Minka's cabin by now if it wasn't for your driving! We would've been more safer if a talking chimpanzee was behind the wheel!"

Amelia Bedelia then said, "I'm sorry, I'll never drive again the rest of this trip."

He then said to his friends, "And as for you guys, you're laughing as this was a lousy 'Saturday Night Live' skit! It's lucky that all we got was a flat; imagine how hillarious it'll be if we ended up in the emergency room! Or the morgue!"

Did said, "We're sorry; Amelia's actions was so funny, we didn't know what came over us."

Stu calmed down. He then said to Didi, "It's okay; it's just that the situation was so serious."

Then he turned to Amelia: "Mrs. Bedelia, would you like to drive?"

Amelia Bedelia said, "Thanks, but no thanks. When I get back home, I'll take a refresher course in driving. And since it is a refresher course, I hope they have a swimming pool and plenty of cold drinks."

Everybody laughed.

Stu then said, "Okay, let's get the spare on and get back on the road, Boris and Minka are probably worried sick."

The tow truck man installed the tire. Stu paid him and got into the car. They drove off again, only this time, Stu was driving. He returned to the fork in the road and this time, turned left. And there was no bear.

The End

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