Phil or Lil

By Anonymous

(The Rugrats were all at Tommy's house. They were playing tag. Phil wanted to be it. But so did Lil.)

Phil: I get to be it this time, Lillian!

Lil: No, I'm going to be it, Phillip!

Phil: Nuh-uh, Lillian!

Lil: Yeah-huh, Phillip!

Phil: It's my turn!

Lil: No, you was it last time!

Phil: No, I wasn't!

Lil: Yes, you was!

Dil: (Laughs) This funny!

Chuckie: Oh, my head hurts!

Susie: Phil, let Lil be it this time.

Phil: Ok. Lillian your it!

Lil: No your it Phillip!

Phil: You are!

Lil: You!!!!

Tommy: Come on you guys stop it! Your brother and sister! You should be nice to each other!

Phil: Well, then who gets to be it?

Lil: Yeah, who?

Tommy: Well, I'll be it!

Phil & Lil: That's not fair!

Tommy: Ok. Then Chuckie can be it.

Chuckie: Oh-no! I'm staying right here! I don't like this game! It's too scary!

Susie: I'll be it then.

Phil & Lil: No! We want some one different to be it!

Angelica: (Comes into the room) What are you dumb babies fighting over this time?

Phil & Lil: We can't decide whose going to be it.

Angelica: Well, maybe I could help you.

Lil: Would you really?

Angelica: Sure.

Phil: For free?

Angelica: Do I do anything for free?

Phil & Lil: No!

Angelica: Well, then that answers your question. See you later! (Walks out of the room and is talking to Cynthia) Those babies are so dumb they'll fight about anything! Hmm... That gives me an idea! Are you thinking what I'm think Cynthia? Nah, your probably not. I know how to really make them fight and then they'll wish they've never see each other again! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! Thanks Cynthia I am a smart aren't I? Yeah, your right this well take some work! But I know just how to do it! (Laughs some more)

(And now back to the others; you can hear Phil and Lil fighting in the background.)

Chuckie: So are we going to play or sit here all day?

Susie: I thought you aren't playing?

Chuckie: I'll play if we can ever find out who's it.

Tommy: (Trying to break up the fight) Phil! Lil! (Sees Dil chewing on Phil's reptar doll) Dil!

Dil: (Stops) sorry.

Tommy: (Hugs Dil) Oh, that's ok Dil.

Angelica: (Goes back into the room were the Rugrats are) (Walks up to Phil and Lil) Hey, dumbies! I know who should be it!

Phil & Lil: Really!

Angelica: Would I lie to you?

Susie: Yes, you would!

Angelica: Well, did I lie today?

Susie: No, but...(Gets cuts off by Angelica)

Angelica: See, I'm not going to lie to you guys! Phil! Lil! Follow me to see who's better and who should be it. (Phil and Lil start to follow Angelica, but Chuckie stops them.)

Chuckie: Don't do it! It'll be to scary!

Phil: Ah, Chuckie she can't scare us!

Lil: Yeah, she's just going to tell us who's going to be it!

Chuckie: I don't know guys! What if it's a trick?

Susie: Chuckie's right! She'll trick you!

Dil: Yeah, trick you! (Claps his hands and laughs)

Angelica: (In a sad voice) All right don't listen to me. I guess you don't want my help. (Pretends to cry) And I was only trying to help you settle your argument. (Sniffle) I guess that's what I get for trying to nice for a change. (Cries some more)

Tommy: Ah, Angelica don't cry. They didn't mean it.

Susie: Oh, please! She's just faking it!

Phil: Even if you're faking it...

Lil: We'll follow you anyway because...

Phil & Lil: We want to know who's better!

Angelica: (Stops crying and says) Good! Now follow me!

(So Phil and Lil go with Angelica while the others stay in their playpen.)

Angelica: Ok. This is easy. Phil, come with me. Lil stay here.

Lil: Can I go with the others?

Angelica: (Yawns) If you want. (Takes Phil into a different room and Lil goes back with the others) Lil's way better than you, Phil!

Phil: What!

Angelica: You didn't know?

Phil: That's not true Angelica!

Angelica: Well, how come last time Lil was it she founded all of the babies and you faster that you ever did?

Phil: She just got lucky. That's all.

Angelica: Yeah! Well, how come Lil was picked on a team before you when you was playing find the candy!

Phil: Well, um...

Angelica: See, she's better then you and more popular then you!

Phil: I guess your right, Angelica?

Angelica: Yeah, aren't I always?

Phil: But how can this happen?

Angelica: Well, I guess that's the way it goes! Lil's just better than you!

Phil: (Goes back where the others are at) Ok, Lil your it.

Lil: Yeah! I get to be it.

(So they all play tag except for Angelica. Phil is sad because he isn't as good as Lil. At least that's what he thinks. While the other babies play some more Phil goes to Angelica for help.)

Phil: Angelica you gotta help me!

Angelica: Help you what?

Phil: Be better like Lil!

Angelica: I don't know if I can help you.

Phil: Please, help me! I'll do anything you want!

Angelica: (Thinking to herself) Anything. Hmm... (Says to Phil) How about you get me the cookies in the kitchen.

Phil: But I can't reach that high!

Angelica: Well, then I can't help you!

Phil: All right I'll do it. (He goes into the kitchen. Meanwhile, the babies are wondering where Phil is.)

Lil: Tommy have you seen Phillip?

Tommy: The lastest time I saw him when we was playing tag. But I haven't seen him since then.

Chuckie: (Adding in) Yeah, it's like he disappeared!

Lil: He couldn't of just disappeared!

Susie: I bet Angelica had something to do with this! Why don't you ask her where Phil is.

Chuckie: Oh, I don't Angelica would be too happy about this! You better not do it Lil!

Lil: Chuckie, I've gots to find my brother even if it makes Angelica mad! (So Lil has a talk with angelica) Angelica where's my brother?

Angelica: You dumb baby he went to play by himself!

Lil: But why would he do that?

Angelica: Because he thinks he's better than you, dummy!

Lil: That's not true!

Angelica: Oh, want to see? (Shows Lil where Phil is) Look he's getting those cookies for himself!

Lil: Nah, he's probably going give some to all of us!

Angelica: (Sees that Phil is eating them) Look he's eating them all for himself!

Lil: (Sees this and gets mad) Yeah, your right!

Angelica: Why don't you show him show manners!

Lil: Right! (Goes into the kitchen) Phillip!

Phil: (Turns around and sees Lil) Lillian!

Lil: You think you're so great! You can eat all the cookies and give none to anyone else! You're just greedy and shelfish!

Phil: Oh, well at least I'm not a showoff! I don't have to be great all the time just to be liked!

Lil: That's a lie!

Phil: No you're the one the one who's lying!

Phil & Lil: You just think your better than me! Even if you're are you should treat me good!!!

Lil: wait a minute! You thought I was better than you?

Phil: Yeah and you thought I was getting these cookies for me and no one else?

Lil: Yeah!

Phil: I was getting them for Angelica because she was going to help me be popular after she said you was popular then me.

Lil: Angelica told me that you thought you was better than me.

Phil & Lil: So we were trick!

Lil: Sorry, Phillip!

Phil: Sorry, Lillian!

Lil: But now what are we going to do?

Phil: We could play tag again.

Lil: And this time you can be it.

Phil: Yeah, and we could all eat the cookies!

Angelica: (Comes into the kitchen and is mad because her plan didn't work. She takes the cookies away from Phil) Those are my cookies now! Ha ha ha ha ha! And you can't do anything about it!

(Just then Didi comes into the room and sees that Angelica is eating cookies)

Didi: Angelica Pickles! You know better than to eat cookies before dinner! When your parents get back you're going to be in trouble. (Takes Angelica) But for now you get a time out.

Angelica: No!!!!!!! Anything but that!

(So Angelica got hers. Phil and Lil learned to agree on things. Well, at least until they play something else.)

Susie: (After hearing there story) I knew it was a trick!

Tommy: What took you guys so long?

Lil: We just had to see...

Phil: (Finishing it for Lil) Angelica get into trouble!

Tommy: All right lets play hide and seek!

Lil: I'm get find to find everyone!

Phil: No I do!

Lil: But I said it first!

Phil: But you got to find us last time!

Chuckie: Oh-no! Here we go again!

The End

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