The Tweenage Rugrats In,
"I'm Still Reptar, From Canmore"

By Dwayne Anderson & Steve Mindykowski

It was Sunday morning at the Pickle's house. Didi was making breakfast while Stu was drinking his coffee.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

Stu picked it up. "Hello?"

No answer.

"Anybody there?"

Still no answer.

"Hello? Who's on the line?"

After a short pause, there was a voice on the other line.

"I'm Mike from Canmore."

Stu remembered Mike. They had Thanksgiving Dinner together at Reptarland Canada, an amusement park near Canmore Alberta. This was back when the kids were very young.

"Where are calling from Mike?"

"Well, just a second..."

There was a long pause. Finally, Mike spoke again.

"...from home." (rimshot)

"What do you need Mike?"

"Well, I could use some Turtle wax, some dog food for Norm, and..." (rimshot)

"What's on your mind?"

"Oh, ok. I just called to tell you that one of our giant Reptar robots has broken down and we would like you to fix it."

"When as soon do you need my help?"

"Can you come to the park tonight?"

"Tonight it is" said Stu. "Thanks Mike!"

"From Canmore!" finished Mike.

Stu laughed and hung up.

Stu said, "Didi! Get some bags packed and call the others. I've been called to Canmore to repair a robot!"

"Isn't this how our trip to Paris started?" asked Didi.

"Don't ask questions" said Stu. "We've got to be at the park tonight!"

While Tommy and Dil packed their bags, Stu called his friends and their families.

Later that morning, they boarded the next flight to Calgary, Alberta.

The flight lasted much of the day. Finally, they landed in Calgary.

After going through custms and getting their luggage, Drew rented a van and drove the families to Canmore.

Night began to fall just as they arrived at the park. They went through the gates and went in.

They went into the main offices. Stu identified himself to Lynn Granger, the secretary. Then they went into the elevator to see the manager.

At the manager's office, they met Mike. He was still dressed in a blue, black, and white checkered shirt with a red vest, a red cap with the Calgary Flames on it, blue jeans, and brown shoes. Next to him was Norm, a large doll that resembled a shaggy dog.

Mike gave them free passes to the park during their visit. Stu said he would begin work first thing in the morning.

In their hotel room, the kids were watching the "Royal Canadian Air Farce" on TV, a sketch comedy show that Mike "starred" in. They were watching a sketch with Mike flying an airplane.

"You are approaching stall! You are approaching stall!" said a voice over the intercom on the TV.

"Oh thanks" said Mike. He then said to the stewardess, "get out the map and find out where Stall is!" (rimshot)

The kids burst into uncontrollable laughter along with the laugh track.

A minute later...

"Tower, both our captains are sick" said the stewardess on TV. "The pilot is a passenger with no qualification!"

"No I got my grade 6!" said Mike.

The kids laughed with the laugh track.

"Alright 386 I'll clear you straight in" said a voice over the intercom from the airport.

"How am I doing so far?" asked Mike.

"Ok except for one thing" said the voice over the intercom. "You're upside down!"

The kids laughed hysterically with the laugh track. Of course, they would get alot more laughs from their visit in the park.

The announcer on TV said, "Stay tuned for more Air Farce excitement, right after this!"

The next morning, everyone woke up. They went downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast. They had, bacon, eggs, flapjacks with syrup, hashbrowns, and sausages.

Didi says, "Isn't this exciting? We get to see Monty Hall host 'Let's Make A Deal'! I heard it's one of the most popular attractions in the park."

"Yeah," said Betty, "with Monty being Canadian, he's one of Canada's greatest exports."

Drew chimed in, "I bet Stu's inventions would make great Zonks!"

"Ha, ha," said Stu, sarcastically.

Then, they all went out to the theatre auditorium building sat in the front row in front of hundreds of people.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the announcer, "due to unforeseen circumstances, Monty Hall won't be appearing today, due to a head cold. But instead, we found another suitable person who would entertain you!"

"Jim Perry?", said Stu.

"Alex Trebek?", said Didi.

The announcer continued, "...and here he is!"

"I'm Mike, from Canmore!"

Everyone applauded as Mike came onto the stage. He smiled shyly at the audience. After the applause stopped, Mike said the usual.

"It was pretty hot yesterday" said Mike.

"How hot was it?" asked the audience.

Mike didn't respond. His eyes gazed around the room in confusion. Then he spoke.

"How should I know? My thermometer was broken!"

Everyone laughed.

"Ok" he said. "Now it's time to take questions."

A man in the audience raised his hand.

"You sir," he said.

Mike said, "where are you from?"

"Uh... Atlanta."

"I'm from Canmore."

Everyone laughed.

"Next," said Mike. "You sir, wearing that fancy necklace. Who are you?"

"I'm Lorne Calvert, the Premier of Sasketchewan."

The audience applauded.

"Hello Lorne" said Mike. "I'm Mike from Canmore."

Everyone laughed.

"Next," said Mike.

"Hi, I'm Howard Stern" said he.

"Next," said Mike.

Everyone laughed.

"Mom, who's Howard Stern?" asked Kimi.

"He's the host of a radio talk show" said Kira. "He's one of the reasons why I don't allow you to listen to the radio on the way to school."

"Mike?" asked a man's voice.

Mike said,"Who's there?"

"This is Jim... from Philadelphia."

Everyone laughed.

"I'm Mike from Canmore."

Everyone laughed some more.

"And I'm Jim!"

"Where are you from Jim?"

Even more laughs.

"Who are you?"


"From Canmore?"

Everyone laughed.

"This is Jim."

"This is Mike."

"From Philadelphia!"

Everyone laughed.

"Ok" said Mike, "no more questions. Before we continue, here's a word from our sponsor."

Another guy appeared on the stage.

"Hi" he said. Then he walked off the stage.

"Ok" said Mike, "that was a word from our sponsor."

Everyone laughed.

"Ok" said Mike, "go out now and have fun. Until next time, this is Mike from Canmore saying...I'm Mike, from Canmore!"

Everyone laughed.

A little later, everyone walked into a souvenir store.

"Hello" said the clerk. "I am Akbar. Welcome to my store. Your business is welcome here."

After everyone paid for their purchases, which included some t-shirts, some hats, some flags, banners, and Reptar videos, in English and French. Akbar said, "Thank you. Now get out of my store!"

Later, Stu met Mike.

"Mike, take me to the robot to be repaired" said Stu.

"Ok" said Mike. "It's over in the garage over there." He pointed to a nearby building.

"Thanks" said Stu. "Have fun everyone!" he said as he walked off.

Meanwhile, the Rugrats go to another attraction based on a popular show.

Tommy says, "What's that?"

Chuckie said, "That's the You Can't Do That On Television attraction -- it says that you can now live the show, just like the myriads of regulars who appeared over the years."

Angelica said, "Sounds neat! Let's go!"

The Rugrats entered the attraction. They entered the first room.

Tommy says, "Here's a sign -- 'Is there anything better than being a superstar?'"

Angelica said, "I don't know."

When she uttered those "magic words", green slime was poured on her head.

"What gives?", angrily said Angelica.

"I... haven't a clue," said Tommy. "Let's go in this next room."

Chuckie read another sign: "Now that you are slimed, what do you use to get clean?"

Angelica said, "I... haven't a slightest idea. Could it be soap?"

A buzzer sounded.

"No? A brush?"

A buzzer sounded again.

"A towel?"

A buzzer sounded again.

Angelica said, "I give up. Boy, I'm thirsty. Let's get out of here and get some water."

Just then, a few buckets of water poured on her head. Angelica was not happy.

The other Rugrats laughed and continued down the hall.

"What is this?!" shouted Angelica. "Some kind of funhouse?!"

The others stopped and turned to face her. "Why, having fun?" asked Dil.

"Now I need a change of clothes!" shouts Angelica. "I'm going back to the hotel room!"

Later that day, everyone was in a restaurant having dinner. The restaurants name was "Chez Nocharie".

"Well, I finally fixed the robot" said Stu. "So tomorrow, we can all go back to America."

"It was certainly fun while it lasted" said Chazz. "I still can't get enough of Mike saying 'I'm Mike From Canmore'!"

A waiter came, carrying a plate of french fries to a nearby table.

"Delivering, one order of french fries!" he said.

Suddenly he sneezed, right on the fries.

After recovering, he place the plate on the table. "With gravy!"

"If they don't eat that" said Phil, "can I have them?"

"Ew!" said Lil. Everyone at the table agreed.

"So what did you kids think of your stay here?" asked Stu.

"Ok, for sures on dat!" said Kimi. "We really enjoyeds this day and our stays, espitially their mini-golf course where you swang the pitter to get your balls in the hole, gitting as few strokes as pussible! And speaking of strokes, get one in real life and you're deader than a doornuts!"

The grownups looked at Kimi, puzzled looks on their faces.

"What was that Kimi?" asked Chazz. "What you said made absolutely no sense!"

"That's how Jean Chretien talks" said Kimi.

"No he doesn't" said Chazz.

"He does on the airfarce" said Kimi. "We met the guy who portrays him on the Royal Canadian Air Farce."

"And one more thing" said Tommy, "Mr. Dixon called earlier. He says we are to give a presentation in front of the school about Canada when we get back."

"Although I gotta admit, this park does have lots of weirdos working for it" said Stu. "The newspaper is run by Timmy and Samus O'toole. Their paper is called News From Away."

"Well lets all finish our meal" said Chazz. "Tomorrow, we go back to America."

The next morning, everyone got into a cab to take them to the airport.

"Where do you go?" asked the driver.

"The airport" said Stu. "We'll be paying with cash."

"Good" said the driver. "Give Visa, I kill you!"

He began to drive. "Call me Dave!" he said.

"You know Dave" said Stu, "you look like you're from the Middle East. Where are you from?"

"Regina. No Visa or I kill you!"

Stu said, "Do you take checks?"

"Rice, wheat, or party mix?", said the driver.

"Never mind," said Stu.

Later, everyone arrived at the airport and boarded the plane home.

That night, at 8:30 P.M., the students of Jim Junior High School, and the parents of our favorite Rugrats, were seated in the auditorium.

The Rugrats were backstage.

"Ok guys, remember what we learned in Canada?" asked Tommy. "Let's give them a show they will never forget!"

After Mr. Dixon introduced them, the Rugrats went up on stage. Before each of their eight chairs, was a microphone.

They each sat down. Everyone in the auditorium was quiet.

"Fellow peoples, for sures on dat eh?" said Tommy.

Everyone looked puzzled.

"Not again!" said Stu.

"On this gloriful days, we stands here to gives you presentation of Canada" said Susie.

"Canada is very difference from America" said Chuckie. "For exampil, their gooverment still has much to doos!"

Several people began to giggle.

"Boy, when we says them, we says them!" said Dil.

"In additions, the goovernment is commit to issue like headcare" said Angelica.

"Don't you mean healthcare?" asked Mr. Dixon.

"Thats is what I said, headcare!" said Angelica.

"Even though the economy is strong-like" said Kimi, "it goes into reception if there is jab like low inflatuation."

By now, everyone is laughing hysterically.

"That pipples spend money on car and Mcnuggets" said Lil.

"And this will bring the goovernment more poopularity" said Phil. "Because jab good, unemploy bad!"

"Kids, you are making no sense" said Mr. Dixon.

"We knows, but it got Jean Chretien relect!" said Dil.

Everyone stood and appauded.

"Well, everyone just loved it" said Mr. Dixon, "so you all get an 'A'!"

The Rugrats stood and bowed to everyone.

"Someday, we should all go to Canada again" said Tommy.

"Agreed!" said the other Rugrats.

A few days later, Stu got another call. It was Mr. Yamaguchi.

Mr. Yamaguchi said, "Mr. Pickles, thanks again for helping out at Reptarland Canada."

"My pleasure," said Stu.

Mr. Yamaguchi asked, "Do you know Rumiko Takahashi?"

Stu said, "Certainly -- she does all that great Japanese manga like 'Urusei Yatsura', 'Maison Ikkoku', 'Ranma 1/2' and 'Inu-Yasha'. The animated series they're based on are really cool, too."

"Right," said Mr. Yamaguchi. "Soon, I'll be opening a new theme park near Omaha, Nebraska; instead of being based on Reptar, it would be based on Rumiko's works. It'll be called 'Rumik's World'."

"Splendid," said Stu. "What will I be doing?"

"Designing the robots and animatronics for the park, of course," said Mr. Yamaguchi. "And here's the person who you'll be answering to."

"I bet it's Rumiko herself," said Stu.

Another voice came on the line.

"I'm Mike from Canmore," said Mike from Canmore.

"Oh brother," said Stu.

The End

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